On June 7, I attended Beyoncé's Formation World Tour at Citi Field in New York. It was my first time seeing Bey perform live, and apparently I was there for an iconic moment — Beyoncé sneezed on stage.
Here is what you need to know before you see the footage. Yes, this was a musical performance. But the Formation World Tour is also like a traveling art installation with touches of Cirque du Soleil. There are flames. There are fireworks. There are costume changes that are all essentially variations on a bodysuit with knee-high boots, proving that Queen B and Elaine Stritch are the only two women I know who can pull of the no-pants look.
What's more, everything Beyoncé did was digitized and magnified on a huge, rotating tower screen. So even if you couldn't be one of the lucky ones in the front rows, you could still see every detail of what she was doing on stage. I'm talking close-ups of literally everything Beyoncé did, on display for thousands of people to see, even from the furthest recesses of the stadium.
So when Beyoncé — just before beginning an a cappella version of "Love on Top" — had to sneeze, I thought for sure we were going to see a gigantic visualization of B's boogs. But there was nothing.
Firstly, I understand that not every sneeze delivers a physical product. I get that most sneezes are small and nothing comes out and it's fine. But you have to understand how huge this screen was, and how clearly every detail was visualized on it. I was expecting to see even a little mist or something. But nothing! What is that?
Secondly, her achoo! was the tiniest and cutest iteration of a sternutation I've ever seen. If her sneeze were an internet video, it would be one where a hamster is eating a little piece of pizza — the one you watch marveling that when you eat pizza, you look like a rabid dog, but when this little hamster does it, it's like a goddamn Picasso painting.
Let's go to the tape.
And just to illustrate how the crowd reacted, here's an excerpt of some fans screaming, "BLESS YOU!"
So, there you have it. Does this mist-free sneeze confirm that Bey is in the Illuminati? Probably not. Does the level of crowd excitement explain why the stadium stopped serving alcohol after 10 p.m.? Absolutely.