NYC's Top Astrologer On The Toughest Sign To Deal With

Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
It's no secret — we love our horoscopes at Refinery29. How else would we know whether Mercury's in retrograde? Chalk it up to a Capricorn's natural inclinations, but sometimes we crave a little more specificity. In that case, you have to go to an astrologer for a natal chart, which is a diagram of where all the planets were positioned in the sky at the moment of your birth. Needless to say, it's a little more complicated than your average palm reading.

We wanted to meet one of the minds behind this intricate practice and, if possible, see if we could demystify the process. And Angel Eyedealism — funny, frank, and consistently herself — was the perfect astrologer for the job. Her passion for astrology is only matched by her love for practical, straightforward advice.

Eyedealism
has been an astrologer for more than 20 years (and a performance artist for even longer than that), she's worked with everyone from corporate types to 12-year-olds, and it's safe to say she is somewhat of an institution in New York City's psychic- and astrologer-filled East Village. What got her into astrology in the first place? "It was over some silly lover, to be totally honest," she tells me with a smile. "There was no profound reason."

Of course, that humble beginning led her to quite the profound career — it's not uncommon that a meeting with a client will end with them telling her, "You just saved my life," or, "I'm so fucking happy now." Eyedealism likes to joke that this kind of progress is made by simply waving her magic wand and saying, "You are no longer fucked up!" But really, the advice she gives her clients is developed through a rigorous reading of planetary charts.

Eyedealism mainly works as an astrologer, focusing on relocation astrology (advising and predicting where people should live and travel); she also works with tarot cards, which she considers fun, but less insightful (they're "more of a party favor," she notes). Reading individual birth charts, she explains, gives her a much more specific idea of her client's inner self, which helps her understand how best to help them.

Amid the myriad of types she sees, there is one standout demographic: "For some reason, I attract a lot of virgins — and they have one question: 'When?' She stops to laugh. "That’s a lot of pressure for me, like, Okay, let’s find this girl some cock."

We spent an evening with Eyedealism to discuss planetary chart-making, the power the planets hold over us, and why, when it comes to the future, keeping your sense of humor is key.
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"I’ve gathered bits and bobs from all over the world. I just like to put them on the walls — you know, most New York apartments are small, with white walls and, if you’re lucky, some hardwood floors. I just like unusual textures. I have an attention to detail. I like colors and color combinations. They just make me feel happy."
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
Therapists have therapists of their own. The same goes for astrologers: "I’ve been going to an astrologer for about 20 years. His name is Bob Marks...He’s about 75, he wears a suit, and sits behind a walnut desk. He and I have very different styles, but I would say he’s my mentor. If I meet a prospective lover and I see that his chart is fucked up, I will still want to date him. But Bob will be like, ‘Angel, you know he has Moon in Hitler. He has the same moon position as Adolf Hitler — he’s cruel!’ And I’m like, ‘Yeah, yeah, I know, thanks.’ (Laughs.)"
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"[One of my clients] was a Gemini, but she had Virgo rising. Her sun sign and her rising sign exactly squared each other. I said, ‘You feel like people don’t get you.’ And she goes, ‘How did you know?’ And I said, ‘Well, because they don’t get you.' I just saved her like 30 years of therapy. And I explained that, because she had so many hard angles in her chart — oppositions and squares, that would be a 180-degree and a 90-degree — she was very enigmatic. The problem when you’re young and charismatic is that it means you have so many conflicting aspects in your chart that...it makes other people perceive you as difficult."
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"Sometimes, I’m able to tell people, ‘Give up your day job. Be that writer you’re meant to be, that you will make a lot of money and help a lot of people.’ Or I tell them how to rock the day job as much as possible.

"I’m very practical [with my advice]. Some astrologers, you go to them and they say a lot of technical terms because they want to show off their knowledge, how they know what a quincunx means, but people don’t care. They want to know when they’re going to get married, if their current lover is the one for them — they want to know very specific information about their life. It can sound very complex, but I try to make it straightforward and applicable to the client’s life."
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
When it comes to making an actual chart — which, to the untrained eye, looks more like a geometry problem than anything that could tell your future — Eyedealism is quick to clarify (and quip): "I don’t actually draw it. I’m not Nostradamus...Very few astrologers actually draw their charts. It’s a lot of mathematics and I suck at math. I’ll be upfront about that. Basically, I’ve gotten the software over the course of 20 years"
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"I just put in the person’s name and the data — the year of their birth and the time. I [also] put the place of their birth, whether they’re male or female, or if it’s an event — like, if you want to know what day to get married, for example. Oh, Venus retrograde? Don’t get married then, that sort of thing. Then I press ‘Okay,’ and it brings up this chart, and I, with more than 20 years of experience, will know exactly what this means and know how to explain it to my client."
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"I mean, people would know I was lying if I said it was all a rosy picture, because they’re in the middle of shit. For example, I had this woman, this very elegant woman, who was all shades of beige and she was in her middle years but terribly beautiful and terribly intimidating because she was just so high society — beige, beige, beige — I looked at her chart, and I said, ‘Madam, you’re being dick-slapped by the universe.’"
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"The planets affect the whole world. Every country and every city has an astrological chart of its own. The United States is a Cancer — July 4, 1776, right? New York City is also a Cancer city, so it’s crabby and bitchy. So there’s how the planets are in the sky and how they’re aspecting the chart of the individual, the chart of the nation, the chart of the world, et cetera. It’s pretty fucking profound."

Pictured here: Angel's theremin to the left and a small amplifier she uses in her performances in the center.
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"Some people have latent abilities that they don’t realize and they’ve never realized the best way for them to make money. They do something because they thought that’s what their mom or dad wanted and they never make any money — and they’re never happy at it.

"So I’m able to explain the absolute best path for them. By following that path, they would be happier, have a better job, have more money, and they would just be better off in general doing what they’re supposed to do."
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"I’m known for my sense of humor," Eyedealism tells me, pictured here playing her theremin, "and I think that that helps. Like, if somebody comes in and they’re really uptight, I’m like, ‘Oh my god, was that, the sound of the stick falling out of your ass?’ Because sometimes you have someone who’s very uptight, but by the time they leave, they’re all relaxed."

You can check out Eyedealism's music and performance art, here.
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"The sun is a beneficent or positive energy. It’s just basically good energy to make people feel positive.

"...I don’t like to be a sun sign astrologer. There are so many different astral bodies and the sun is the most basic. But, you know, rule of thumb, Pisces are kind of all over the place, Virgos are anal-retentive... Virgo is perhaps one of the least-liked signs."
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"In some ways, I am a conservative person. Artistically? I’m wild. As an astrologer? I’m wild. But morally, I’m conservative. I’m very reliable, but I’m a wacky-looking motherfucker."
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Photographed by Cait Oppermann.
"I try to tell people the best way to handle [their problems], instead of saying, ‘Oh, it’s the stars, I don’t have any control here.’ We don’t have a lot of control in our life. We’re lucky if we can control our own bladder, but then again, that depends. (Laughs.)"
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