In the latest installment of men shoving random shit into their scruff, allow me to introduce the beard ornament. You read it right: Men are hanging festive baubles on their facial hair. Pack it in, people. We're done here.
Let's talk logistics. You're willingly placing glass and sharp hooks in a fairly delicate area. Scenario: You're at an ugly-sweater party, and you and your good friend Carl have had too much eggnog. Carl goes to give you a high five to congratulate you on your light-up nativity scene sweater, and he misses (because, eggnog) and smashes his palm into your face. Dammit, Carl. Now, there's shattered glass all over my face.
Also, dudes aren't just sticking any old leftover ornaments in there. There are beard-specific baubles being peddled on the Internet now. This is a real thing that a real company is selling for real money. Does anyone else feel a little flabbergasted over this? (And, they're apparently so popular that they're currently out of stock: "Due to high interest, we've ran out of beard Baubles. We hope to have them back in stock by Thursday 11th December." Well, phew. Thankfully, we don't have to wait long.)
But — and I can't even believe I'm saying this — it is kind of sweet to see some dudes get so into the holiday spirit that they feel the need to get festive with their chin fuzz. That said, part of this trend has me feeling a little Grinchy. Like, can't a beard just be a beard and not a Christmas tree?
I'm a little torn here — which is insane, I know. So, I'm leaving you with this question: Would you get stoked if you saw a man show up to a holiday fête with a beard full o' baubles, or would you just walk up to him and yell, "NOPE?"