Why Masturbate When You Can Have Sex Dreams?

Illustrated by Anja Slibar.
Today in crowdfunded products available for you to fund anonymously: the Dream Rooster, the world's first Lucid Sex-Dream Simulator (their capitalizations, not ours). Designed to give you the sexiest dreams you've had since that first morning you woke up hot n' bothered in headgear, the Dream Rooster is a small, vibrating device you wear inside your underwear all night. We know what you're thinking, but stay with us — this is the toy that Jimmy Kimmel has called "very nice."
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The most important thing to understand about the Dream Rooster, before throwing your life savings behind it, is that it is not just a sex toy; it's a lucid dream trainer as well. As the video above (and the helpful, amended stock photos on Dream Rooster's IndieGoGo page) thoroughly explains, you must learn the difference between being awake and being asleep in order to harness the Dream Rooster's potential. Once you can make this distinction, you can set the Dream Rooster to your desired degree of stimulation, and, essentially, sleep your way into whatever sexy scene you fancy.
The only thing missing from Dream Rooster's sales pitch? An iron-clad guarantee that you will not accidentally end up dreaming about your best friend's S.O. or any of your elementary school teachers.
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