We do a lot
of online shopping during the day (what — it's for work
), so believe us when we say that we've seen it all. Frowning sweaters
. "Ghetto" shoes
. Whatever this thing
is. If they sell it online, and you can wear it, we've clicked on it. However, this offering (pictured at right) on Pixie Market gave us a rare moment of pause.
Seeing the dress for what it is takes you on quite the mental journey. At first glance, you admire how nice it is to see something strapless styled over
an oxford (you've been championing this styling trick
since you first saw it at the fall shows in February). However, then you realize that — whoops
— the model must have accidentally pulled down her dress a little too far. After all, that sweetheart bodice is obviously not meant to lift and separate your belly
. That'd just be silly. However, then you notice that the dress is in fact way too short to fit anything larger than an average 5-year-old…and 5-year-olds don't wear strapless dresses
. Nope — that sagging top area isn't actually because there aren't any boobs to fill them up, and that tapered middle isn't because it's supposed to sit at your waist, and the length is the length because it's a skirt, not a dress. Skirt. Not dress. Skirt.
Feel free to order an additional cocktail during dinner tonight. You deserve it.