Let us paint you a picture: You're sitting on some inflatable armchair in a friend's bedroom, applying hair mascara to your front two chin-length strands. You've got your cap-sleeved, baby ringer tee emblazoned with your favorite band (Weezer? Oasis? Sleater-Kinney?), and you're rocking your worn-in pair of flares that you've carefully un-hemmed to reveal a "funky trim." On your feet? Candies wooden slides, obviously.
Who would have thought that, decades later, you'd be staring into a exhumation of those long-forgotten sandals. Like a hybrid between Japanese geta sandals, '70s clogs, and the Candies original, these shoes were a jarring sight on Zara this morning. Looking like Nutella-slathered baguettes from above and fishing boats from behind, these definitely qualify as ugly shoes
. So, as one of the biggest proponents of that movement, we're hesitant to dismiss this pair outright; with the right cropped jean and flowing tunic, you might look Céline-esque — not Jenny McCarthy-esque.
However, with the huge round studs, square toe, and plywood-grain wooden soles, we're inclined to think these slides are a blast from the past much like your high school crush is: You've got fond memories of the two of you, but it's not like you're looking to reintroduce those frosted tips and puka-shell necklaces back into your life right now. Some things are better left in yearbooks.