The Worst Etsy Items Ever Crafted

When Etsy's good, it's very, very good—but when it's bad, it can be traumatizing. Thanks to sites like Regretsy and Craftastrophe chronicling the dregs of the dreck, it's easier than ever to see difference between handcrafted artistry and handcrafted barfistry. We've found 12 of the foulest, most hilarious Etsy products out there. Enjoy at your own caution.
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Old Lady Vagina Panties, $15
This merkin was originally created for a dance troupe called the "Bearded Oysters."
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Chandelier Crystal Rosebud Jeans, $875
These "bridal" jeans are nothing short of breathtaking. And by breathtaking, we mean, so horrifying that we forgot to breathe.
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Faery of Diversity Necklace, $193
Don't just buy a statement necklace when you can buy a necklace that'll punch someone else in the eyeballs with its heinousness and then creepily stare at them with its decapitated Justin Beiber-like head.
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Hi Bird Toilet Paper, $5
From the disturbingly tasteful lighthouse to the disturbingly frank "Chocolate Factory," these embroidered toilet paper rolls are the kinds of gift your jokey Uncle Ned gives to everyone for Christmas every year.
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Doubled Finger Crochet Ring, $10
We have no love for this ring. A denim disaster if we've ever seen one.
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Bloody Sheets, $48
Perfect for the Twilight-obsessed! Also, hemophiliacs!
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Corn Poop Sweater Pants, $14.41
There's a back story with these pants involving soap shaped in the form of corn poop and one kid's ruined Christmas. Our sympathies towards the child who has to wear someone else's family's poorly conceived inside-joke on their bum.
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Rhythmical Pain of a Punctured Heart Sculpture, $300
This thing's name is actually Onora. Pronounced like, "OH-effing-NO-ra"
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Bloody Intestine Cupcake Pendant, $25
"Can you make mine with a cherry on top? Oh, you don't have cherries? Only intestines? Hmm."
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Barry Manilow Manllow Pillow, $40
"Half man, half pillow" the manllow will provide you with soothing Copacabana-like comfort. How wrong is it that we're actually considering buying this?
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Real Moose Poop Doo Doo Nugget Necklace, $32.00
Chocolate-covered raisins? No! It's moose poop!
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The Human Centipede Necklace, $20
For people with bad taste in movies and jewelry.