Did Your Bridesmaid Back Out? Here's What To Do

reluctant_bridesmaid_slide1 (1)Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Alimay Events an NYC-based event production company founded by two former glossy vets, Ali Schajer and and Maya Katz — specializes in organizing pure chaos. So, who better to call upon with our most challenging wedding etiquette queries? This week, the ladies help us navigate rocky bridesmaid relationships.
Advertisement
Dear Alimay,
It seems that I’ve recruited a reluctant bridesmaid. What do you do when a bridesmaid — or worse, a maid of honor — isn’t so excited to fulfill her duties? Do you cut her loose, if it seems like she might really prefer it that way? Help!
— Bridesmaid Wrangler
Dear Bridesmaid Wrangler,
Picking out the right bridesmaids is important. Not only does your bridal party stand next to you as you take your vows, but they also deal with a lot of handholding throughout your engagement. They were there for you in your “how many minutes do I need to wait before I text him back?” phase, as well as your, “is it too soon to move in together?” period. Your ladies (and sometimes gents, too!) have been there every step of the way. Designating your friends as bridesmaids is by no means a necessity, but keep in mind that it can be nice to have formally appointed pals nearby for bouncing ideas around and complaining about in-laws.
These days, the bridesmaid’s role seems entirely dependent on that which the bride has in mind for herself. For every bride that dreams of a fully planned bachelorette weekend in Puerto Rico, there also exists the bride that would prefer a big bagel brunch with some of her friends on a lazy Sunday morning. With this in mind, we place a heavy emphasis on communication!
It’s imperative to keep the lines of communication open from get-go. When asking your bridesmaids to be a part your big day, emphasize that you understand that this is both a financial and time commitment. Let them know that you want what’s best for them, and are happy to be flexible. Perhaps this means helping them pay for their dress or not putting any pressure on them to attend a bachelorette getaway. These are your friends for life, so do your best not to drive them into debt.
Advertisement
That said, look at your party as whole — what is each bridesmaid’s strong suit? Is your M.O.H. bogged down with twin toddlers? Perhaps ask her if she’d prefer for your type-A, planning-obsessed college roommate to take on some of the duties. More likely than not, your friend isn’t dreading the act of “being a bridesmaid.” She’s just simply overwhelmed. Regardless of who is doing what, make sure your crew has a ringleader — someone who is reliable and happy to delegate some of the work. Weddings are meant to bring people together, not to drive friends apart.
Yours Always,
Ali & Maya
We’d love to hear your questions! Drop us a line at DearAlimay@AlimayEvents.com.

More from Living

Twitter has gone wild after a teen posted a bread-based personality test. The teen, 18-year-old Floridian Kelly Blaus, posted a meme that matched bread ...
Update: Greathouse has just relented on his Twitter feed, calling the original blog post "dreadful" and apologizing that he "told women to endure the ...
Remember when dorm drama just meant your roommate eating the last of your Oreos without asking, or talking on the phone too loudly while you were trying ...
This no-bake confetti fudge takes minutes to put together and will satisfy any sweet tooth
'Tis the season for pumpkin spice and everything nice — am I right? We thought there was no better way to celebrate than with a doughnut
You might think tying the knot on Valentine's Day is romantic. Or maybe you think it's totally tacky. Setting aside whatever personal opinions you have ...
There are plenty of great ways to get excited for Halloween. You can decorate your home with creepy props, start working on your costume, or stuff your ...
(Paid Content) Your next weekend away has to be in Toronto. Period
Chrissy Teigen, the model turned TV host turned cookbook author, has amassed Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat followings in the millions. The secret to ...
I get so nervous before job interviews — sweaty palms, dry mouth, butterflies in my stomach. It’s really not fun. But once I’m sitting down with the ...
Ever since Yalonda and Kayla Solseng met back in March 2014, they've been living their own real-life fairy tale. The couple recently told the Huffington ...
You've seen Tom Cruise scale the Burj Khalifa. You've heard about the bottomless, all-day brunches. You're dying to prolong summer just a teensy bit longer...
We teamed up with Pinterest to help you find the Halloween costume of your dreams. Take a spin on the Hallo-wheel for a new idea (or 10) every day
A Google search for "mooning" pulls up expected results: some news articles about protestors pulling down their pants, and the formal dictionary definition...