No, My Boyfriend Isn't "Settling" For A Plus-Size Girl

CeCePhoto: Courtesy of CeCe Olisa.
On her blog, Plus Size Princess, CeCe Olisa has detailed everything from what it's like to be the only big black girl in a yoga class (fine, thanks!), to her adventures in plus-size dating in the Big Apple. Now, the New York City transplant is lending her poignant, often-hilarious voice to R29.
So, my boyfriend is skinny and I’m definitely not. But, one of the hardest things about being in a “mixed weight” relationship is other people and their opinions (and projections). While I don’t often hear comments about my weight when I’m alone, I do get a very strong message about my weight in the context of my dating life. The message comes in many forms, but it's always the same: “You do not deserve to be with him.”
Sometimes, the message is delivered via a flirty waitress at a restaurant who smiles at him while scribbling my order — it's straight out of a movie. Other times, the message comes from a smiling face that says, “You’re a VERY lucky girl…” Is that a backhanded compliment?
Before I met him, people warned me — both implicitly and outright — that because I opted to only date the men I found attractive (novel idea, right?), that I was a "superficial fat chick." They said if a guy was attracted to me, I should be grateful! But, I didn’t listen. I kept my standards high started dating a Dwyane Wade look-a-like.
Body politics and dating are very tricky because people have opinions on who should be dating whom, but most of these opinions are often built on myths and judgments they subscribe to — even though they’d be too embarrassed to say them out loud. One myth is that only thin people are attractive. For some people, “fat” is synonymous with “ugly,” — I’ve been called “fatandugly” before, almost as if it was one word.
Another one? That a woman must be smaller than the man she's with. If he’s dating a big girl, he’s settling. Why don’t we ever give big men a hard time for dating slender women? Or vice-versa? What if he’s head-over-heels attracted to her? What if their emotional connection and understanding of each other is breathtaking? Should he pass that all up because she’s fat?
These crazy myths will have us thinking we don’t "match” with certain people even if they’re interested in us — what does that even mean? As a big girl, I work so hard to manage my body image issues and I work even harder not to let those issues ruin my relationships.
I’ve seen too many of my Plus-Size Princesses convince themselves that they’re not worthy of certain types of guys, when that’s just not true. I don’t care what you look like, if Channing Tatum is interested in you, there is something attractive about you, so please grab a dress that hugs your curves and do what you need to do.
Most of us are sitting here with so much love and positivity to give, but instead of focusing on our beauty, wherever it lies, we absorb all the snide remarks and snickers from insecure people and let that dictate our dating decisions. When a girl tries to hit on my boyfriend right in front of my face, I can internalize it and say it's because I’m too fat for him. Or, I can understand that women who go after other peoples boyfriend's — right in front of them, no less — might be insecure that they don’t have someone of their own.
As I mentioned in this post, some of us have a bad habit of embracing the negative things we hear about ourselves. It's easy to listen to the single people yapping about who we shouldn’t be dating because of how we look, but when we find someone who embraces us as we are, we owe it to ourselves to embrace them back.
I brought this topic up to my Dwyane Wade doppleganger the other day — in the context of us as a couple. “You know some people think we... don’t match,” I said. “Yeah,” he replied, “they’re probably wondering how I convinced you to date me.”

More from Body

Although he had been dead for decades, Jim Morrison said something a few years ago that shocked people. He wasn’t speaking from beyond the grave, but in ...
In April, I ran a story called “The Medium-Sized Woman Problem.” The “problem,” of course, was not the women themselves, but the way in which we frame ...
Jill Krause writes about all things mom, parenting, and relationships at her blog, Baby Rabies, and she has some words of advice for the non-pregnant ...
Pregnant women get a lot of advice about motherhood, even when they don't ask for it. And in the first episode of Expecting, from Refinery29's comedy ...
Let me introduce you all to the love of my life, Sienna Harper Gernon! I've never felt love like it! @justchrisgernon thank you so much, you have been...
Ragazzi mi state seguendo in tanti e vorrei ringraziarvi e scusarmi se non riesco a rispondere a tutti...vi proprio ho una foto che mi ricorda tutte ...
Update: Kopp's original Facebook post has been removed, and, as Shape reports, the chances of contracting an infection so severe that draining is ...
(Paid Content) Stress sweat is different from regular sweat in that it feeds off bacteria and causes odor. Then you start to think about it — producing ...
Breast-feeding has numerous benefits for both mother and baby, but it doesn't always come as naturally as we might assume. And, as one viral photo shows, ...
Last week, Kelly Stanley was breast-feeding her 9-month-old baby during dinner when someone else at her table decided to grab a cloth napkin and try to ...
Periods may be annoying, but at least they're predictable — sort of. If yours is a little delayed this cycle, and you're not trying to get pregnant right ...
It sustains life. It boosts immunity. It may or may not taste like the milk left over from a bowl of Lucky Charms. (Full disclosure: I sampled mine just ...
Gina Rodriguez is the master of keeping it real. She's been open about everything from losing her virginity to coping with thyroid disease, so it makes ...
When you see your friend's adorable baby, your first instinct, understandably, is probably to hug and kiss her all over. However, you might want to think ...