The 9 Types Of People You're Stalking On Instagram

Take a quick scroll through your Insta feed. Really: Open it up for a second and give your beloved follows a swipe or two. Now, cross your heart and tell us you didn’t see some of these people: that guy who seems to be on an endless cross-country road trip with his photogenic dog; the girl who creates tablescapes that would make Martha blush; and of course, the pun-gunnin’ DIYer whose supply closet must be the size of an East Village apartment.

After all, Instagram is more than a wee bit about voyeurism. It's about following the lives of seemingly fascinating strangers, learning their pets’ names (and hashtags), creeping on their significant others, and cross-referencing their favorite coffee shops and selfie walls until you’re pretty sure they live on the corner of Bedford and Barrow. What?

Naturally, we get to imagining what these Insta-icons' interiors might be like IRL. You know that #westvillagelife girl has a Lucite waterfall desk, and Mr. Walking-Beard-Oil-Ad’s coffee table is his grandfather’s vintage steamer trunk from the Titanic. Have a peek at our décor fantasies about our favorite Insta-archetypes, and just try to disagree. Who knows? You might even be one of these yourself.
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Photo: Via @andrewknapp.
The Pet Portraitist
Let’s not deny that some of our favorite "people" to follow on Instagram are, in fact, animals. Their dedicated stage moms and dads are mostly on the road (promoting their pets' book projects, the usual), but you know that when they are home, their four-legged stars are sleeping horizontally on king-sized beds.
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Photo: Via @themarcystop.
The #OOTD Girl
Her apartment is, without a doubt, in full Coveteur mode, 24/7. We like to believe this woman's Chanel straps are always artfully dangling from that portrait of Mick Jagger. And, her shoe-storage facility is worthy of a Jenner.
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Photo: Via @zioandsons.
The Vignette Artist
How does one person own such an impressive collection of artsy-rustic objets? That styling sorcerer definitely has a personal prop closet at his or her disposal — or, at the very least, a drawer of tarnished-to-perfection silver spoons.
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Photo: Via @psimadethis.
The Crafter
If these folks weren’t so seemingly flawless, we'd assume their pads would be a hot (of the glue-gun variety) mess. But, given their always-on-point projects, there’s no doubt these Crafters call shrines of DIY victories "home."
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Photo: Via @eddieross.
The Artful Organizer
We’ve all got a few folks in our feed who have held onto (and fancied up) #thingsorganizedneatly, whether their medium of choice is foliage or food. The hyper-organized-home-decor equivalent is, of course, the gallery wall; we’re quite confident these 'grammers have that mastered, too.
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Photo: Via @dariusgarvin.
The Endless Road-Tripper
Where is this person going? Does this person even have a job? Or a home? Though, in all likelihood, this special breed of Instagrammer — who’s seemingly always wading through a mist-shrouded field beside a VW van — has an empty apartment somewhere, we prefer to imagine this person's home as moody and thought-provoking, like all those ocean-sunrise selfies.
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Photo: Via @sfawnd.
The Foodie Photographer
You know this guy or gal doesn’t allow anyone to dig into brunch before achieving the perfect bird's-eye-view shot. In fact, the Foodie Photographer probably ordered for everyone to ensure optimal food-texture variety. Our guess for this person's apartment? The one spot that’s curated within an inch of its life is the bar cart. Visions of mezcal bottles and vintage copper pour-over kettles dance in our heads.
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Photo: Via @themakerista.
The Cool Parent
Forget the disaster area that is every playroom you’ve ever seen IRL; you know these parents' "child-friendly" residences are the stuff of every grown-up's wildest dreams. After all, these parents have it together enough to dress their kids in outfits we full-sized humans can only envy from afar.
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Photo: Via @fransquishco.
The #Blessed Setter
By definition, #Blessed Setters are not nesters. Yet these worldly aesthetes always manage to make being here and gone look deadly chic, with glimpses of authentic yerba mate gourds and crazy kawaii erasers in their barely decorated crash pads.
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