It's Nail Polish Armor For Dudes, Bro

Funny

Nov 5, 2012 3:30 PM EST

It's Nail ~~Polish~~ Armor For Dudes, Bro

From Gaultier to Hot Topic, many sly, enterprising marketeers have attempted to put colored polish on men's nails (and we're not talking about your Adam Lambert or Robert Smith here.) Indeed, bro-ish dudes high in guy-i-tude and chunky, full-beef manswagger represent a huge untapped audience in the beauty sector. A properly dudified nail polish could be a massive moneymaker.

The latest entrant in the bro-polish sweepstakes is Alpha Nail (get it?), a nail ~~polish~~ armor that comes in totally manly colors (Gasoline, Concrete, and Cocaine) dispensed out of a high-tech pen. Also, it covers up unsightly fungal infections, works as "war paint" during Mixed Martial Arts bouts (yes, you read that right), adds to your regular peacocking, and aids in "SEX" and getting "MORE OF IT."

Look, you may laugh at its website (indeed, you should...now), but if any nail ~~polish~~ armor brand is going to break into this potentially lucrative market, it's going to need at least triple the raging cojones as, say, Axe body spray. If not Alpha Nail (get it?), who? (Alpha Nail)

Video: Courtesy Alpha Nail