My “no turning back” moment
“The biggest risk I ever took was breaking off my engagement. It just didn’t feel right. Everyone wants a relationship coach who follows her own heart and doesn’t do something just to check off a box. Now, I’m dating again, and I love it. I’m not comfortable all the time, but I enjoy it now that I’m feeling clear on what it is that I want.”
How I overcame my biggest fear
“When it came to dating, I was totally uncomfortable: I always felt like I needed alcohol, I was afraid of sex, I felt insecure about how much experience I had, and I had body-image issues. I felt gross and frustrated. But, I knew that I needed to change [something] because I wanted companionship. I read books, took classes, received coaching myself, and learned a lot. It really worked. I didn’t have to lose 10 pounds — I just had to like myself a little more. I became a [dating] coach for a living because [what I learned] is helpful and does work.”
Fix it if it’s broken
“Admit [when something is] not working in your relationship. There’s this fear that if we admit we’re not happy, we should feel ashamed. But, it’s actually really brave to admit it. Then, take the time to discover what it is that you really want — and go after it.”
My best dating advice
“This is going to sound so California, but the best advice someone gave me was to learn how to feel what is going on in my body. There were men that I thought I would be super turned on by, but I didn’t actually feel that much when I [listened to my body]. Then, there were men I wouldn’t have chosen if I were passing them on the street, but once I talked to them and got to that emotional and intellectual connection, my whole body lit up. What are you actually feeling? Knowing what you’re feeling, and being able to speak to that, creates intimacy.”
Seek wisdom beyond your circle
“Our friends give us supportive advice, but they tend to be similar to us — they have similar blind spots with relationships. I love my friends, but there’s something about [talking to] an unbiased person that you don’t have a history with that can give you a really truthful reflection.”
What love means to me
“My personal definition of love is feeling connected to yourself and also feeling connected to the world. I think it’s this process or experience of really enjoying yourself. Let other people be a part of your world, and let yourself become a part of theirs.”