Catalog Psychic: Your Life According To The J.Crew Style Guide

The J.Crew catalog — er, excuse us — Style Guide is a reliable source for so many life-giving things: bejeweled baseball caps, messy-hair and matte-lip envy, and creative directors named Holden who feel strongly that suits should be worn with gym shoes and no socks. But, did you know that the Style Guide could also give you eerily accurate insights into your life right this moment?
Oh, yes. There is truth in these statement-jewel-and-sequin-splashed pages, dears! Ahead, we take a glimpse into your holiday life, according to the J.Crew Style Guide. Get ready for a whole lot of tomboy plaids, cheekbone highlighter, and colorblocked cashmere — and, more importantly, what it all says about you.
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Photo: Courtesy of J.Crew.
You love borrowing from the boys. All the men in your life are literally nude right now. Also, you are so pretty, how are you not Eva Mendes?
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You would never let safety concerns ruin your week of skiing in the Swiss Alps. For maximum coziness and visibility, just top your retina-stinging lime outfit with your coziest parka, and sip some brandy. That search team will find you in no time.
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3 of 10
Photo: Courtesy of J.Crew.
You are so proud of yourself for not going straight-up matchy-matchy, you could just eat some cashmere!
4 of 10
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Your ingrate friends never take the fashion advice you so generously give them.
5 of 10
Photo: Courtesy of J.Crew.
Whoops! You forgot to mop up the trail of destruction caused by your killer pants! Also, what deal with the devil did you make to get so good at colorblocking?
6 of 10
Photo: Courtesy of J.Crew.
You live in a weird, bifurcated climate that necessitates both bare legs and Isadora Duncan scarves.
7 of 10
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You and your glasses wandered over from the Madewell catalog.
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That first night 'round the fireplace at your cabin in the Poconos, all your friends secretly hate you for putting their yoga pants and Michigan State tees to shame.
9 of 10
Photo: Courtesy of J.Crew.
You have learned the most important, unspoken rule of gift-giving: Always keep the slightly cooler version for yourself.
10 of 10
Photo: Courtesy of J.Crew.
You have never heard of a subway. Wait, maybe you have. Is that the new-model Town Car?
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