RANKING: New York's 15 Hottest Fictional Bachelors

Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
It may sound cliché to say that you’ve come to New York City to fall in love, but open up Tinder at any bar in the city on a Friday night and you will see — from a sheer numbers perspective — why it's still a good idea. NYC is a veritable petting zoo of available, eager men to suit nearly any taste. Everyone from finance bros to crunchy hipsters is well represented, and if one doesn’t work out, hey, there are nearly limitless options to replace him.

But, nowhere are New York’s eligible men more desirable than in our collective imaginations, from Catcher in the Rye to Sex and the City — and every dreamy Big Apple fairy tale in between. For those times real-life guys won't do, we compiled a definitive ranking of New York's hottest fictional bachelors, from the ones we're glad don't exist to the ones we wish did.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
15. Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

Not even that stunning apartment is worth getting chopped into a dozen pieces with a chainsaw.

Well, maybe the view...
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
14. Ben Covington, Felicity

Honestly, Ben is the guy everyone dates on and off through college. He's the one you come back to because you think you’re "meant to be," when really, you’re just young and dumb and afraid of change. And, that guy is not someone you should date again, now that you know better, because he's really just an asshole wrapped up in a hot body and the quicksand of familiarity.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
13. Mookie, Do The Right Thing

He's a semi-absent boyfriend and father with a bad case of laziness. Sure, we could get behind having a lifetime supply of pizza, but there's something about Mookie's bad temper that has us steering clear (and out of the way as he tosses a trash can in our direction).
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
12. Alvy Singer, Annie Hall

On the one hand, you don’t get more New York than Alvy Singer. On the other, a lot of people find that hyper-literate, overthinking Woody Allen thing to be very, very unsexy. And, I have to admit that, lobsters be damned, I am one of them. Date him, maybe, but bring earplugs.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
11. Elliot Stabler, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Yes, there is something sort of sexy about his whole "Streets of New York Crime Fighter" thing. But, Elliot is also a pretty angry dude, and anyone who deals with that much stress in their day-to-day life is probably not going to make the best boyfriend. (Not to mention, the I-already-have-five-kids part is a bit of a turnoff.)
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
10. Ross Geller, Friends

If it were entirely up to me and my terrible taste in fictional men, Ross Geller would be at the top of this whole list. Ross is kind of my dream guy: a sweater-wearing hottie with the soul of a nebbishy science professor. But, even I have to admit that he had severe "nice guy" tendencies, and wasn’t all that great to the women in his life (including Rachel, whom I used to judge heavily for breaking his heart). Sure, okay, he’s a bad boyfriend, if you're going to be rational about it. But, the heart wants what the heart wants.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
9. Holden Caulfield, Catcher In The Rye

Even if he wasn’t a teenager, Holden would still get low marks for being basically an emotional Tumblr kid before such a thing existed. His angsty, bratty, rich child-ness shouldn’t seem dreamy to anyone with a job and a sense of self worth, frankly. He’s the guy you lust after in your high school poetry class, and that’s where he should stay forever.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
8. Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

He’s evil, yes, but in such a cute and fun way! Who wouldn’t want to destroy the world through unchecked capitalism with Jack, honestly? And, if nothing else, you get to do a ton of celebrity-spotting when you stalk him at work to make sure he isn’t cheating. Sounds awesome to me.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
7. Lincoln Rice, Broad City

He’s the fun, goofy, not-so-serious guy you date in New York because his apartment is really conveniently located, and he makes you laugh. Maybe it’s not going to last forever, but you can smoke weed and watch Netflix together, and have sex sometimes, which sounds like a recipe for an honestly great semi-relationship. Plus: free dental care for you and your best friend.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
6. Adam Sackler, Girls

His mannerisms and life choices are undeniably strange, and his ability to polarize 20-somethings is matched only by Hannah Horvath's, but I personally think he’s worth a go. Chances are you either love him or hate him, and it’s probably based at least a little bit on whether you dated an Adam in your own life. Because, let’s be honest, that weirdness is only cute/tolerable for a little while, and sometimes you just want a grown-up.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
5. Paul Varjak, Breakfast at Tiffany's

Some see him as the consummate Nice Guy, some see him as a genuine nice guy (without the capitals, and unfortunate, neckbeardy connotations). But in the end, he was there for Holly in a way no one else was, and sometimes don’t we just want to retire from the chaos of the city in the arms of someone who knows us really, really well?
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
4. Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

A suit-wearing, over-the-top ladies' man who's just looking for love at the end of the day, Barney kind of sounds like a Carrie Bradshaw fever dream that she had after being dumped by Mr. Big again. And, yes, a guy that smooth might make you jealous, but he’s the kind of animal you want to tame.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
3. Maxwell Sheffield, The Nanny

It’s hard to even think of Mr. Sheffield without hearing Fran Drescher’s voice in your head, but try to isolate him from that nasal laugh and consider his Hugh Grant charm instead. British, flustered, rich as hell, ultimately possessing a heart of gold? Sign me up.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
2. Roger Sterling, Mad Men

Forget puffy, sad Don Draper. The true star of Mad Men — at least where desirable bachelors are concerned — is the salt-and-pepper-but-mostly-salt, vodka-swilling, besuited Mr. Sterling. He is the consummate date, never really ready to settle down but talented at making you feel like you’re the only person that matters for the night you’re with him. (Yes, that’s probably a sales technique, but it still works in romance.) Roger’s pushing 60 and a confirmed bachelor, and yes, you would definitely still hit that.
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Illustrated by Sydney Hass.
1. Mr. Big, Sex And The City

Yes, okay, he is kind of the prototype for the "Emotional Withholder Boyfriend," but still. There is something about John James Preston (a character based on publishing executive Ron Galotti) that just screams New York, and his tall, sturdy presence in a grey suit makes him feel like he could be a skyscraper himself. (His coldness, too.) Even though Aidan is arguably a better boyfriend — and doesn't spend six seasons messing with Carrie's (and our) emotions — Mr. Big frustrates and thrills in the same way New York City does. And, we just can't ever get enough.