Man, season three of Jersey Shore is so good, we wish it was Thursday already. Not so good? The cast's annoying habit of rolling out crap product after crap product. Some of them, however despicable, make sense—we'll grant that there are viewers sweating The Sitch's abs, or misguided souls lusting after JWOWW's golden-on-speed glow. Others, not so much. Swilling muscle-building vodka? Puke. Listening to Angelina's music? Deadly. The trashy loot has apparently gotten so out-of-control, The High Low felt it was necessary to put together a guide to all the Jersey Shore merch out there. Warning: It's about as pretty as Snooki.
1 of 9
Ronnie's Xenadrine Ultra—Put the X in GTL, just like Ronnie did. Or put the heart in heart attack.
2 of 9
JWOWW's Bronzer—If you're in the market to look like you fell asleep in a tanning bed for four years, this body cream will turn you not bronze, but black.
3 of 9
Angelina's Single—Possibly the worst thing to come out of the series besides a particularly virulent strain of herpes.
4 of 9
Sammi Sweatheart's Perfume—The last of the Shore crew to get in on the endorsement bandwagon, Sammi's scents, for both men and women, definitely don't raise the classy average up by much. Though the tag line, "Dangerously sweet...just like Sammi," is certainly elegant.
5 of 9
The Situation's Vodka—If Ronnie's Xenadrine didn't have you on a stretcher, a couple glasses of Devotion vodka, of which The Sitch is the official spokesperson, will.
6 of 9
Vinny's T-Shirts—Our fave member of the cast actually is selling something, if not buy-able, for a good cause. His t-shirts benefit anti-bullying initiatives, though we're not sure the current offerings are, umm, appropriate for school.
7 of 9
Snooki's Book—While you're waiting for Ben Affleck to adapt this Pulitzer-worthy tome, re-read the date-rape scene again and again. Moving. Transcendental. Soulful.
8 of 9
The Situation's GTL Garment Bags—Who knew Mike was so ecological? His garment bag for the Green Garmento (which urges you to "be fantastic...use less plastic,") is a steal at just $11.99 and comes in two designs, "tribal," or "city." Ugh. Decisions, decisions.
9 of 9
Pauly D's Clothing Line—While we never try and miss a DJ Pauly D gig, it's possible to keep the beat-master close to our hearts at all times thanks to his clothing collection, Dirty Couture. Less couture, more dirty.