Want To Be Friends With Your Ex? Here Are The Rules

LC-embedIllustrated by Carrie Beth Taylor.
From her laid-back, effortless style to a fresh, ahead-of-the-trend beauty aesthetic, Lauren Conrad is a girl after our own heart. So, each week for the next month, the born-and-bred California girl and editor-in-chief of LaurenConrad.com will share with us her insider secrets and personal musings. Plus, check out her visually stunning guest pinning here! Next up, Lauren answers the age-old question: Is it okay to be friends with your ex?
Advertisement
After reading dozens of requests for this Ask Lauren topic in my LaurenConrad.com inbox, I finally decided to tell all of you my thoughts about being friends with your ex. It’s a tricky situation, which is why so many people seek advice when they begin to enter the friend zone. To be honest, the “friends with an ex” situation can only be judged on a case-by-case basis. Every relationship begins and ends differently, so things are rarely black and white. That said, it’s always ideal to remain friendly with people from your past even if things didn't work out romantically.
In order to decide whether you can be friends with your ex, there are a few guidelines to consider. Here they are…
1. You have to truly want to be "friends" with your ex.
This means that you both understand the romantic relationship is done. No kissing. No "one glass of wine too many" phone calls. No flaunting new love interests in front of each other. No funny business! Strictly buddies.
2. You have to forgive each other for whatever ended the relationship.
No hostility can remain for you both to have a healthy friendship. If the end of the relationship was one you can forgive and forget, you must do it before becoming friends (if not, see #5).
3. You must support each other in future relationships.
Your ex-boyfriend finding a new love interest is inevitable, and you have to be okay with it. Jealous behavior is just going to complicate things and send mixed messages. In order to be a good friend you must genuinely want what is best for each other and respect new relationships.
Advertisement
4. Consider a cool off period.
Often times we make the jump from being the boyfriend/girlfriend to the friend much too quickly. Obviously this person was important to you, but when you don't take the time to heal and separate your lives, the roles you play become confusing. In order to move on from one another, you need to take some time to do exactly that.
5. Accept that sometimes being "friends" simply isn't going to happen.
You can't force a friendship, especially if the break up was one-sided or too hurtful to forgive. It’s important to respect your ex's way of moving on and sometimes that means not seeing each other for a while.
I hope this helped all of you ladies who messaged me about how to become friends with an ex. Also, if you aren’t quite at this point yet but you’re going through a breakup, be sure to read my guide on how to survive a breakup.
What topic would you like to see me cover in my next Ask Lauren post?
Sound off in the comments below!
Advertisement
XO Lauren
P.S. A big thank you to Carrie Beth Taylor for the lovely illustration for this post!
Advertisement

More from Sex & Relationships

A version of this story originally appeared on Shape. When it comes to female pleasure, there's enough misinformation out there to fill a book. One of ...
This article was originally published on December 18, 2015. According to stereotypes, men are the sexually voracious cheaters and women are the ...
We're great fans of accessorizing in the bedroom. Au naturel stimulation is wonderful, but sex toys can do things that people just can't. The sex toy ...
Amber Rose doesn't do "off days." "I always feel confident," she tells us. "I never allow myself to not feel confident. I wake up and say, I’m going out ...
Even as the sex toy market continues to expand, there remain a few vital "firsts" for the industry to tackle. This week, with the arrival of the Buck-Off...
The Halloween-costume-planning frenzy is officially in full swing, and we still have so many questions. Is our costume idea clever without being obscure? ...
This article was originally published on April 2, 2015 and has been updated throughout. Lube is a little like masturbation. It's a big part of most people...
(Paid Content) You don't need a degree in common sense to know getting involved with a coworker is a bad idea. Yet, we probably all know someone who has, ...
It would be an understatement to say that a lot of us love superhero blockbusters. Luckily, there's really no shortage of them, but should you ever need ...
The following is an excerpt from Asa Akira's recently released memoir Dirty Thirty. Another year of wasted eggs because I chose to whore instead. “Do ...
In the best-case scenario, you go on a first date with someone, and you hit it off. The chemistry is off the charts, and you're never at a loss for what to...
Even if you think you’re not kinky, there’s a chance your brain might be. And when it comes to getting turned on and orgasming, our brains deserve more ...
Lord Ivar Mountbatten, a cousin of Queen Elizabeth's, became the first out member of the British Royal Family when he came out as bisexual last week. In ...
Dear Kelsey, My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost two years. We met on Tinder — shockingly — and things have been great ever since...