17 Crazy Personal Ads From D.C. Craigslist

In the early days of Craigslist, perusing the Missed Connections section was something you did for laughs with your BFFs (while secretly hoping to come across a post describing you, obvi). Turns out, not much has changed. Strangers still want to find love, vent their frustrations, and live out their fantasies — and it's still hilarious. So, we've taken it upon ourselves to gather up the craziest ads that'll make you think twice the next time you lock eyes with a stranger. (Just kidding — a few of 'em are downright cute.) Click through for your daily dose of LOLs.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
If you're new to CL's Missed Connections, you're about to get a crash course in all the silly reasons people give for not speaking to each other. Take this guy, who apparently suffers from agoraphobia — the metro platform can't possibly be that big, right?
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Dude, listen. For two people who talk "all the time," how have you not gotten around to mentioning significant others? Sounds like you're asking all the wrong questions, buddy — or not listening to "Shannon" in the first place.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Okay, normally we'd say any guy who uses "OMG" in a personal ad is automatically off the list. (Not to mention the absence of any capitalization whatsoever.) But, hey — he's trying to connect with a woman who has "IZITF8" as her license plate. If ever two people were meant to be together, it's these two.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Because there's nothing more inspiring when it comes to date-planning than a guy who's only directive is "Please, please, please don't make me go home."
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Ready for a dose of pretty fantastic advice disguised as a generic CL rant? "Move past and fast, Amanda" is going to become our new go-to catchphrase for any pals who can't seem to get over a loser ex. Doesn't even matter if our friend's name isn't "Amanda."
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
So many pros and cons in this post! Pro: He appreciates your fashion sense (your "amazing outfit"). Con: He's clumsy and nearly killed you. Pro: He knows how to say "I'm sorry" and "thank you," and how to use ellipses. Con: He scopes out random babes while riding his bike. We're gonna tentatively say that the pros have it — but just watch yourself on any bike rides, alright?
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Wow. Just, wow. Any ad that lumps together Romeo and Juliet, Jem & the Holograms, lip gloss, bubble gum, and wine? We cannot resist it. (Or at least, resist sharing it.)
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Oh, the age-old star-crossed lovers bag...hold up, there's mama drama buried in there! We can't decide if this is sort of sweet, or desperate, or sad, or a crazy cocktail of all three. At least he has good taste in baby names...?
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
This one stuck out in our minds, partially because "muscular, older blonde" doesn't exactly conjure up images of Stacy Keibler, if you catch our drift. Also, this guy has a lot of questions about how she stays in shape — so maybe a personal trainer, not a girlfriend, is the solution to his woes?
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Here's a fun game: In ads such as this one, replace "our own life" with "our spouses" and "our boundary" with "the fact that one/both of us is married." It's the grown-up version of Mad Libs!
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
And herein lies the danger of using the royal "we" when you are not, in fact, the Queen of England. How many people exactly are involved in the courtship of Logan, the great waiter?
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
This ad seems sweet, adorable, and mostly harmless. But did you catch the classic Washington "skirt and sneakers" cliche in there? Not even the stereotypical government worker can resist a good Missed Connections post.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
This completely self-aware guy gets the prize for Most Respectful Missed Connection ever. We hope that the pretty brunette who dressed, smelled, and smiled nice ended up seeing this post — and hopefully, she likes sports, too.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
And now, introducing Mr. Mixed Messages! He never contacts you, but you shouldn't think that means he's not interested. It just means he's...really busy? In a relationship? Continually losing his iPhone and therefore never able to call you? In that case, "where to find him" is probably the Apple store.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
This is the ultimate "Oh, snap!" posting from a woman who's clearly vying for Glenn Close's role in the remake of Fatal Attraction — just swap "cook the rabbit" for "call all your lady friends." Yet another reminder to always, always play it safe.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
At first read, this post sounds pretty scandalous — "what we did," "want to continue," etc. But then you realize that the dreamboat in question is the preppiest guy in the world — TopSiders with green laces! Blue shorts! GWU student! — and suddenly, it all seems so innocent.
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Photo: Courtesy of Craigslist.
Okay, just to restore your faith in dating (and humanity, in general), we're leaving you with the most adorable meet-cute of them all. Meet Matthew and Rebecca, who connected on the 48 bus only to be wrenched apart by the need to, um, go to work. And it leaves us in such suspense! What takes 2 to 3 days to work?! We must know how this story ends!
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