Spring Clean Your Sex Life: 7 New Tips

It’s been a long winter, folks, but, spring is finally here! That means cleaning — and not just your closets. Indeed, just as the weather heats up, so should your sex life. But, by the end of winter, months of the so-not-sexy sleep/bundle up/eat mac-and-cheese cycle have taken their toll, and we're often left feeling decidedly uninspired.
So, if you’re not happy with the way things are going for you and your partner in the sack, now’s the time to stop sweeping your issues under the rug. Turns out, cleaning your house and your act in the bedroom aren’t as different as they may seem. Here are seven tips for tidying your house that will seriously help you shine up your sex life as well.
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Photo: Image Source/REX USA; Illustrated By Sydney Hass.
Getting started is the hardest part.
Would you rather clean your bathroom or catch the next episode (or three) of House of Cards? Exactly. And, having a conversation with your partner about switching things up in bed isn’t any more appealing than scrubbing those tiles. But, that’s where you need to begin. “Start with a change that you feel isn’t too emotionally charged,” says sex therapist Rose Hartzell, PhD, EdS, CHES, LMFT. “Instead of bringing up something you want changed, tell your partner something you really like and want more of. And, don’t be afraid to ask. It’s your loss if you don’t.” Thankfully, giving your sex life a makeover will ultimately feel even better than a bubble bath in your newly polished tub.
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Photo: Cultura/REX USA; Illustrated By Sydney Hass.
Things might get worse before they get better.
Before you can reorganize everything in your closet, you’ll need to take everything out. With clothes strewn all over your bed and floor, you may get the feeling that you’ve just made things worse. The same goes for your sex life — you need to expose the worst parts of it to eventually shape things up. “Sometimes when you start those conversations, people can get offended, but ultimately, having those conversations will help them get to where you need it to be,” Hartzell says. You'll need to talk about everything from your turnoffs to your kinkiest desires. It might be uncomfortable or embarrassing, but you’ll wind up at a point of trust and openness. Plus, you’ll have an exciting list of new, fun ways to amp up your sex life. Once you’ve combed through the mess, the conversation itself may become the ultimate turn-on.
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Photo: Image Source/REX USA; Illustrated By Sydney Hass.
All parties should chip in.
When you live with someone else, you should both share the responsibility of keeping things spic-and-span come spring. Similarly, when there are two people in the bedroom, sex should be a team effort. That may mean making compromises for your partner. If he wants more blow jobs, but it’s not your favorite, maybe go down there a little more often in exchange for something he does for you, like a sensual massage or using your favorite toy. Reciprocity is important here; both partners should be open to compromise. “Part of being in a relationship is sometimes doing things for your partner that you don’t necessarily enjoy,” says Hartzell. So, be open to new ideas and realize that you both want to help the other person feel good.
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Photo: Cultura/REX USA; Illustrated By Sydney Hass.
Use tried-and-true techniques in new places.
Think Windex only works on your windows? Think again. It can also work wonders on bathroom tiles and counter tops. You know what else is great on counter tops? You guessed it. “Switching up your [sex] location will prevent things from getting stagnant,” says Hartzell. “You may like peanut butter and jelly, but that doesn’t mean you should have it for dinner every night. It’s good to get different nutrients in your diet and your sex life.” So, while bathroom sex isn't for everyone (or might already be part of your sexual habits), unexpectedly starting some sexual action in an unusual place might just light a fire.
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Photo: Eye Candy/REX USA; Illustrated By Sydney Hass.
Find the right products
Choosing the perfect tool to supplement your sex life can be just as important as choosing the right spray for your kitchen table — especially if you’re feeling stuck in a rut. From blindfolds and handcuffs to massage oils and scented candles, there’s no limit to the number of products worth trying when spicing things up. And, ladies should always, always have their favorite lubricant on hand. Hartzell recommends a good vibrator, for starters. “This is great for both women and men,” she says. “Most women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, but they will with clitoral stimulation from a vibrator.” For guys, she says, use the vibrator on the perineum area (between the testicles and the anus) — “the G-spot for men.”
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Photo: Marja Airio/REX USA; Illustrated By Sydney Hass.
You might need to bring in a professional.
“Sometimes things are so messy that you may need a little outside help,” Hartzell says. “It’s okay to go to a sex or marriage and family therapist.” If you’ve had the talk, you’ve made the compromises, and you’ve tried mixing things up with new products and locations, but you’re still not satisfied, you may need to bring in outside help. Just think of your therapist or counselor as a cleaning lady for your sex life.
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Photo: Cultura/REX USA; Illustrated By Sydney Hass.
Plan ahead
While sex is often a spur-of-the-moment activity, when things aren’t going so hot, it can often seem like a chore. And, just like cleaning, the more you put it off, the harder it will eventually be to make time for it. “I think one of the biggest misconceptions that people have is that sex needs to be spontaneous,” says Hartzell. “That may work when you’re in college and have all this extra time, but in reality, especially once you have kids or you and your partner are managing dueling schedules, it’s helpful to set aside some time for sex.” So, next time you’re planning a date, ask your partner to meet you in the bedroom instead of at the movie theater. Plus, it gives you both something to look forward to all day.
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