We're pretty sure choosing the right sex toy is more important than choosing the right apartment. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch — but at the very least it's not as simple as grocery shopping. What’s too much or too little to spend? Do you want something basic, or would a few bells and whistles (literal or otherwise) be a nice change of pace? What if you have a nosy roommate? What if you’re creeped out by silicone?
Before you get buried in an avalanche of your own questions, click through our (somewhat comprehensive) shopping guide and find the right sex toy for you, whether for $20 or $4,000. Those price points aren't an exaggeration; the final item in our guide will blow you away — maybe in more ways than one, if you decide to buy it.
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For newcomers to restraints, handcuffs get way more serious (and sexy) when they aren’t pink, fuzzy, and a prize from the last bachelorette party you got dragged to. Black and sleek is the way to go with these padded cuffs. Remember to take turns playing the bad cop.
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If you’re on the lookout for some dual-action, well, action, this is just about as affordable (and adorable) as you can get. The travel-size, insertable section is flexible and adjustable, and the butterfly (possibly your new favorite animal after this purchase) stimulates you externally.
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If handcuffs are old hat for you, try dipping your toe into the SM part of BDSM. These clamps can add just the right amount of pain to your pleasure — though they are, luckily, nickel-free, padded, and adjustable. Safety first.
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If Barbie had the parts necessary for a vibrator, this is the one she’d use. It’s sparkly, it’s pink, it’s tiny. This is perfect for the woman who wants to be discreet and feel kind of like a spy when she’s getting off.
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The remote is bigger than the vibrator, and for good reason; this bullet offers six different functions for all your needs, wherever they occur — it’s lauded for its water resistance and basically silent motor.
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The most alluring thing about penis rings? They’re hands-free. More specifically, the Iconic Ring is touch-sensitive, capable of adjusting its vibration as it senses changes in surrounding pressure. In other words, this thing screams “couples play.”
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With a dildo so beautifully crafted, you won’t want to keep it tucked away in your nightstand (okay, unless your mom is in town). It isn’t just an aesthetically appealing dildo, either — the orbed end is actually meant for Kegels. Plus, if you’re new to glass toys, keep in mind how easy they are to clean.
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This definitely “mini” vibe defies its minimalist, almost-stark, design. It’s available in colors like Viva la Violet and Passionate Plum, offers seven settings to choose from, and might be one of the more below-the-radar items on our list that truly delivers.
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Talk about minimalist — this vibrator is completely no-nonsense, in terms of both design and price. This could be the Goldilocks of sex toys: It isn’t too big; it isn’t too small; it’s made of familiar silicone, but it’s hypoallergenic; it’s just right.
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Also from Tantus, the Goddess is a step up from basic, thanks to the curves that give a nod to more realistic designs out there, while still being totally unintimidating — just the way we like our toys.
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Toyfriend might have the best name in the sex-toy industry, and their products back up the company’s promise. Just like the bunny it resembles, the Coney is quiet yet tireless, hitting you with all the external stimulation you can handle. You might end up wishing this toy friend were a real friend.
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Similar to the Crystal Kegel dildo, Ami gives you one of the most fun workouts out there, here in a set of three. Whether you’re looking for self-pleasure or pelvic-floor prep (strength-training, so to speak) for later on, this is a perfect pick.
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If you prefer to forego toys when you masturbate, at least give your hands a software update. The vibrating pads strap onto your fingers, the battery pack wraps around your wrist, and what you get is the sleekest toy on our list. Pro tip: attach the pads to the backs of your fingers, not your pads, so you get all the vibration without sacrificing any skin-to-skin sensation.
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Let your vibrator join the 21st century and get a Mia 2, which charges directly off your computer. It pulls apart to reveal a USB port, but you wouldn’t know it from its sleek design. Whatever you do, just don’t mix it up with your file drive.
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We know, this isn’t what you picture when you think of a vibrator. It looks a little too flouncy to get the job done, but its outer petals are there to do what so few vibes manage to do: Tease you. Nothing like a toy that knows how to flirt.
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This vibe takes its company name literally, though its design is closer to the classic rabbit shape than anything else. If you’re hoping to give your c-spot as much attention as your g-spot, make this your next purchase.
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Feeling adventurous? Don’t let the King Triton look of this toy scare you away. The unique design of the Triple Stimulator is meant to help you feel 360 degrees of pleasure, and no one should be afraid of something that promising.
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Geometry might not be your strongest subject, but this is a shape worthy of your attention. If you somehow fail to be wowed by a cone-shaped vibrator, this bad boy comes with 16 different programs, one of which cuts to the chase and sends you straight to orgasm.
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You’ve done the cuffs, you’ve done the clamps, and you’re ready for the big leagues. For doms and subs on the go, never worry about cramming your whips, locks, and blinders into a regular-old suitcase again.
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This award-winner is an innovation in clitoral stimulation. Not one, but two vibrating “ears” deliver twice the sensation directly to your c-spot. This is the Rabbit’s cooler, older sister.
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If the Crystal Kegel dildo was lonely in its display case, this is the ideal addition to your collection of toys-slash-art. Its length (nine inches) is balanced out by its smooth, lube-friendly surface, keeping your me-time easy and splinter-free.
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One of the most advanced wearable vibes for couples, this recent addition to the We-Vibe family ups the game for both internal and external simulation. With a more nuanced remote, you can alternate between g-spot and clitoral vibrations during sex, depending on what needs more attention.
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This is more than a vibrator. As per Babeland’s product description, the Stronic Drei is a thrust-simulating fuck machine. Okay.
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This is the Swiss Army Knife of sex toys. With more attachments than your electric mixer, the Eroscillator can be as gentle as it can be all-business. For those of you with children: This one might pose a choking hazard if you lose track of one of the pieces.
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And, here we are. If you deem 18K-gold plating and an elegant, wooden storage box totally necessary features for your self-love session, we’d like to congratulate you on your special brand of self-awareness.