8 Things You Need To Know This AM — Oct 12 2015

The U.S. will make “condolence payments” to the families of those killed in the airstrike on a Doctors Without Borders hospital in Afghanistan.

The Department of Defense is finally admitting some culpability in the fatal October air strike that destroyed a trauma center in Kunduz, Afghanistan, an attack that killed 22 civilians and which Doctors Without Borders called a “war crime.” Pentagon Press Secretary Peter Cook issued a statement announcing that the U.S. will “make condolence payments to civilian non-combatants injured and the families of civilian non-combatants killed as a result of U.S. military operations.” Costs associated with the repair of the hospital will also be shouldered by the Commander's Emergency Response Program. The statement did not specify how much the payments will total or the status of the Pentagon’s investigation into the air strike. (NPR)

Ben Carson defended his claim that gun control was partially to blame for the Holocaust; somehow, the 2016 election has turned into a living, breathing Onion headline.

Ben, Ben, Ben — at this point in your presidential bid, you have convinced us that maybe it isn’t all that hard to be a neurosurgeon. As if telling CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that the Holocaust could’ve been prevented if German Jews were armed wasn’t bad enough, Carson doubled-down on his offensive and historically inaccurate theory on Face The Nation. The presidential hopeful argued that it’s “not hyperbole at all” to imply that stricter gun laws in the U.S. could cause the next Holocaust: “Whether it’s on our doorstep or whether it’s 50 years away, it’s still a concern. And it’s something that we must guard against.” (Raw Story)

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California’s governor signed a bill banning the use of “Redskins” as a public school’s team name or mascot. If any teams are looking for a new name, we suggest “The Student Loan Officers” — nothing is more fearsome.

While the NFL cannot get its act together when it comes to the Washington Redskins’ infuriatingly offensive name and mascot, California has taken steps to ensure that its public schools’ sport teams will avoid propagating similar images of white privilege and colonialism. Governor Jerry Brown approved a measure that prohibits the use of Redskins as a “school or athletic team, mascot, or nickname.” A total of four California high schools will now have to choose a different moniker and replace all vestiges of the old mascot, from memorabilia to building names, by January 2017. Interestingly, Brown vetoed a separate provision that sought to ban Confederate leaders’ names on public property. (Buzzfeed News)

Obama offered up some advice for presidential hopeful Kanye West.

Ben Carson isn’t the only politician acknowledging Kanye West’s White House aspirations: during his speech at a Democratic National Committee fundraising event in San Francisco, President Obama decided to share some sage advice about D.C.’s inner workings with West, as the rapper was to hit the same stage a little later for a performance. If West is serious about being president, or “Peezy” as Obama joked, he apparently should avoid all references to his magnum opus, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. “Saying that you have a beautiful, dark, twisted fantasy? That’s what’s known as off-message in politics. You can’t say something like that,” Obama told the crowd. But when it comes to West’s chances of being elected, the President isn’t particularly hopeful. “Do you really think that this country is going to elect a black guy from the South Side of Chicago with a funny name to be president?” Obama asked. (Rolling Stone)

Kylie Jenner keeps boyfriend Tyga’s mugshot framed in her living room; theirs is truly a fairy-tale romance.

If you’ve had any interaction with a teenage girl or the teen girl internet recently, you know that Kylie Jenner launched a dedicated app that gives users an exclusive look into her lip liner- and fur-shrouded world. In a recent video posted to the app, the youngest Jenner took fans on a tour around her Calabasas palace, showing off her Nancy Meyers-worthy kitchen and monochromatic bedroom, that is bigger than our entire apartment. The video also revealed that, following in the great Kardashian tradition of coveting the criminal past of loved ones, Jenner keeps a framed mugshot of Tyga on her bookshelf. (Cosmopolitan)

A former Benghazi investigator alleged that the House’s probe into the tragedy unfairly targeted Hillary Clinton, which is so strange because women are never unfairly targeted in politics.

Earlier this year, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy suggested that the Select Committee on Benghazi was merely a calculated political charade intended to decimate Hillary Clinton’s poll numbers, a near-sighted admission that most likely led to his withdrawal from the House Speaker race. Now, a former staffer from the committee in question has backed McCarthy’s claims, alleging he was fired for refusing to target Clinton in his investigation. “Hillary Clinton has a lot of explaining to do. We, however, did not need to shift resources to hyper focus on Hillary Clinton,” said Maj. Bradley Podliska, an Air Force Reserve intelligence officer who is suing the House Committee for unlawful termination. “We didn’t need to de-emphasize and in some cases drop the investigation on difference agencies, different organizations, and different individuals.” (CNN)

A Baltimore robbery suspect tried to use Uber to flee the scene of the crime, but don’t worry, he got what he deserved: It was surge pricing, so in the end, the robber got robbed.

Uber isn’t just for when you’re running late or you're drunk, wearing too high heels, and unable to face the prospect of waiting for a train home. Uber also makes a great getaway car for all of your crime needs! Or so thought Baltimore’s Dashawn Terrell Cochran, who currently faces armed robbery charges after allegedly holding up a 24-hour convenience store. According to police, Cochran was tracked to the back of a silver Lexus using a K-9 unit. After Cochran was apprehended, both the driver and a second passenger explained that the car was an Uber. So even though the suspect was flush with all that robbery cash, he still opted for Uber’s carpool service? That is admirably thrifty. (Baltimore Sun)

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A Will Ferrell-themed bar opened in New York’s Lower East Side.

Younger brothers of the world, rejoice: Two New Yorkers have opened a bar that is entirely devoted to your favorite funny man, Will “The Tank” Ferrell. Named “Stay Classy, New York,” the Lower East Side bar features memorabilia and artwork that recalls some of Ferrell’s best known movies, from Zoolander to Talladega Nights. The menu reads like an IMDb quotes section or a Facebook chat between two frat brothers — with a vanilla and milk-based drink called Milk Was A Bad Choice and the house-made sangria going by The Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. (Gothamist)

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