3 Quick & Affordable Recipes For When You Feel Like A Hot Mess

Photographed by Frankie Frankeny.
We love to eat — but actually whipping up our favorite foods at home from scratch? Well, that's another culinary story completely. For the most part when it comes to jam-packed schedules and budget-stretched lives it's just a major pain-in-the-ass. So, more often than not, we just end up collapsing into a pile of dirty dishes and disappointment. Thanks to Gabi Moskowitz's and Miranda Berman's comedic cookbook, Hot Mess Kitchen, not only is that feeling okay, but it's also manageable.
Say goodbye to painstaking research on the "right" (read: boring) recipes with affordable ingredients and quick cook-times, because ahead we've got three easy, affordable, and delicious dishes — that above all, will provide a good laugh for when you're feeling like a hot mess. From the "Bounced Check Burrito" to "I Want To Punch You In The Face Pasta" and even a bonus cheeky cupcake recipe, click on to feed your struggles with some comfort food from Hot Mess Kitchen.
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Photographed by Frankie Frankeny.
Bounced Check Burrito
Serves 2

Ingredients
1⁄3 cup long-grain white or brown rice
1 clove garlic, minced 1 tsp chili powder
¼ tsp each of salt and pepper, plus a pinch of salt
1 (15 oz.) can black beans, drained and rinsed
2 large flour tortillas
¼ cup grated jack cheese
½ avocado, sliced
1 small tomato, chopped
¼ white onion, finely chopped
1 small bunch cilantro, finely chopped
¼ cup sour cream

Instructions
1. Combine the rice with 2 cups water, the garlic, the chili powder, and ¼ tsp each of salt and pepper in a small pot over high heat.

2. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook, covered, for 20 minutes, or until fully cooked. Fluff with a fork and set aside.

3. Meanwhile, heat the beans in a small sauce ­pan with 2 tbsp water. Add the pinch of salt and stir to incorporate. Set aside.

4. To prepare each burrito, lay a tortilla on a flat surface and add a sprinkle of the cheese. Top with ½ cup cooked rice, ½ cup black beans, a few slices of avocado, and 2 tbsp each of chopped tomato, onions, cilantro, and sour cream.

5. Roll the tortilla tightly, making sure to tuck in the ends first.

6. Heat a large, dry frying pan over high heat. Cook the rolled burrito for 1 to 2 minutes on each side to sear lightly. Cut in half and serve with hot sauce, if desired.

Excerpted from Hot Mess Kitchen Recipes for Your Delicious Disastrous Life by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman. Copyright © 2017 by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman. Reprinted with permission from Grand Central Publishing. All rights reserved.
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Photographed by Frankie Frankeny.
I Want To Punch You In The Face Pasta
Serves 2

Ingredients
6 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 tbsp red chili flakes (more or less to taste)
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
½ medium yellow onion, finely chopped
1 (15 oz.) can diced tomatoes, with their juice
8 oz. long-strand pasta, like spaghetti or fettuccine
Salt and pepper
4 oz. crumbled goat cheese

Instructions
1. Heat the oil in a large, heavy-bottomed frying pan or pot over medium heat.

2. Add the chili flakes and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.

3. Add the garlic and onion and cook for another 4 to 5 minutes, until soft.

4. Add the tomatoes, stir well, and cover.

5. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook, covered, for 18 to 22 minutes, stirring once or twice.

6. Meanwhile, cook the pasta in salted boiling water according to package directions and drain.

7. Taste the sauce and season with salt and pepper to taste.

8. Toss the pasta with the sauce until each strand is well coated. Season with more salt and pepper if needed.

9. Serve the pasta hot, on plates or in bowls, topped with a scattering of the goat cheese.

Excerpted from Hot Mess Kitchen Recipes for Your Delicious Disastrous Life by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman. Copyright © 2017 by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman. Reprinted with permission from Grand Central Publishing. All rights reserved.
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Photographed by Frankie Frankeny.
I Created A Relationship In My Mind Cupcakes
Makes 2 dozen cupcakes

Ingredients
2 cups granulated sugar
4 eggs
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 cup milk (any fat percentage will work, or use nondairy milk)
¾ cup vegetable oil
2 ¼ tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
¼ cup raspberry preserves
Easy Chocolate Frosting, Cream Cheese Frosting, or prepared icing of your choice
Fresh raspberries, for garnish

Instructions
1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.

2. Line two 12-cup cupcake pans with paper liners (or grease the cups with butter or cooking spray).

3. In a large mixing bowl, beat the sugar and eggs together with an electric mixer until slightly thickened, about 1 minute. Alternately, use a whisk and beat for 2 to 3 minutes.

4. Add the flour, milk, oil, baking powder, and vanilla extract and beat for another minute, just until the batter is smooth and creamy. Fill the prepared cups 2⁄3 of the way.

5. Place a tsp of raspberry preserves into each cupcake and swirl it with a spoon.

6. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes, or until the tops are golden and a toothpick poked into the center comes out clean.

7. Let the cupcakes cool completely in the pan, then frost as desired. Top each one with a fresh raspberry.

8. Go outside. Talk to a real human.

Excerpted from Hot Mess Kitchen Recipes for Your Delicious Disastrous Life by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman. Copyright © 2017 by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman. Reprinted with permission from Grand Central Publishing. All rights reserved.
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Photographed by Frankie Frankeny.
Hot Mess Kitchen Recipes for Your Delicious Disastrous Life by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman, $19.60, available at Amazon.
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