Ivanka Trump is a puzzle most of us have been turning over in our brains since she became her father’s walking “look-I-respect-successful-women” hat trick on the campaign trail. What really makes her tick? Is she a liberal operative who successfully infiltrated the White House and is stumping on behalf of climate change and women’s rights? Or is she just an example of political optics gone right, smoothing over her father’s image whenever he says something insane on Twitter. (Which, let’s be real, is every day.) Who is Ivanka Trump?
Well, for starters, she has become the defacto star of the celebrity tabloid circuit. (Sorry, Kimmy.) This week, US Weekly poked us with a provocative cover “Why I Disagree With My Dad” that revealed exactly zilch: “Sometimes she and Jared are a big influence on Donald and sometimes he takes other opinions into account and does something they disagree with,” the story told us. (In other news: water is wet.)
The more telling news came courtesy of Buzzfeed reporter Ellie Hall who spotted Trump’s eldest daughter in line at Starbucks in Dupont North, Washington, DC. Putting on her best David Fahrenthold she slyly grabbed snapshots of the first daughter, who we learned all that we were dying to know: Ivanka Trump drinks the blandest specialty drink on the menu—nonfat vanilla latte. No whip.
How apropos for a woman who could be described in much the same way. Nonfat milk gives the impression of being good for us, even though we all know it’s not doing a damn thing to keep us healthy. (Ahem.) A single shot of espresso makes our
coffee covfefe drink strong, but the milk makes us soft and palatable, so we don’t seem intimidating. Vanilla speaks to the soul of Ivanka — bland and boring and something you immediately regret ordering/putting your faith in. Finish it off with a dollop of — oh wait. No whipped cream. That’s right. We can’t have nice things.
The result? A coffee that’s more than a little hard to swallow — pretty much like everything else going on in America right now.