How D.J., Stephanie & Kimmy Should Have Been Reimagined For Fuller House

Photo: Courtesy of Netflix
Netflix's Fuller House is back for season 2 and I think I finally get why it just doesn’t it work in the ways it should. Sure, it’s perfect comfort TV: nothing actually happens, you don’t have to think about anything, and you don’t really feel anything, either. Fuller House can deliver a couple of chuckles — and the occasional cameo will shake things up a bit. But the hype around Fuller House relied heavily on the '90s nostalgia related to its predecessor, Full House. We were amped enough on our memories to get through the first season, but this time around, I was literally begging for Jesse, Joey, and Danny to show up...and they left us hanging until episode 6.

Fuller House’s attempt at a modern family is too corny and sterile to inspire anyone. The magic of Full House was the chemistry that Danny, Jesse, and Joey brought to audiences while trying to raise a house full of girls. Decades ago, they were the progressive family. But D.J., Stephanie, and even Kimmy (in all of her annoying glory), were never the centerpieces of the show.

By banking on the three of them for the show’s revival and envisioning them as an imperfectly wholesome bunch — D.J. being a single mom, Stephanie as a musician, and Kimmy in a faux-interracial relationship — isn't fascinating, or even quirky, in 2016.

Here’s how these three main characters should have actually been reimagined.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix
Kimmy Gibbler should have been the CEO of a wacky social-media app who stumbled up the ladder of success by cluelessly stepping on the toes of her peers. Fernando could have been her assistant turned lover who has sole custody of their daughter, Ramona. This would have perfectly positioned the preteen to be a real-life Angelica Pickles, intent on making life difficult for her family.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix
I actually love Stephanie Tanner as the traveling free spirit, especially since she was so uptight in her younger years. But Fuller House didn't take it far enough. This is 2016. Stephanie has student loan debt from attending a college she never graduated from. She hangs out with the Bay Area hipsters and doesn’t believe in working for the man. Showers are a trivial waste of water, but when she thinks no one is watching, she binge-watches Real Housewives. She definitely wouldn’t dress like a housewife-meets-washed-up pop star.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix
Grown-up D.J. Tanner Fuller is currently a widowed veterinarian and mom of three, caught in a love triangle between her hot new coworker, Matt, and her childhood fling, Steve. It’s all tragically boring.

D.J. should have been the divorcée of some rich, but funny, jerk. She spends her days blowing through her alimony (which is why they still have to live in her childhood home), drinking martinis, desperately trying to hold on to her youth, and swiping through Tinder.

Her teenage son, Jackson, should have been a band nerd desperately wishing he had a normal mom. Max is actually perfect and shouldn’t be changed one bit.
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