5 Times We Almost Turned Off American Horror Story Last Night

Photo: FX.
The latest season of American Horror Story started off on a hopeful note. A couple purchasing a haunted house with a horrifying and storied history? Sign me up!

Unfortunately, since then, things have taken a bit of a turn — and not in a good way. Rather than the multilayered, complex backstory of Murder House, the terror of Asylum, and even the fun camp of Coven, we've been given a narrative closer to a Lifetime special. And to those who say it's a parody of the format, I hear you. But you've got to ask yourself: How long does it take for a parody to veer into the ridiculous? Not that long, if last night's episode is anything to go by.

From Evan Peters' absurd wig to Wes Bentley's accent, let's look at the worst moments from AHS: Roanoke, chapter 5.

Chin up, fans — it can only get better from here.
1 of 5
Photo: FX.
"Fine, but first let's rouge our nipples."

Everything about Edward Philippe Mott's relationship with his valet screamed cliché, but this line sent me into a literal fit of giggles.

Also, why is his wig so puffy? You're in the backcountry, bro, not Philadelphia high society.
2 of 5
Photo: FX/Youtube.
Wes Bentley's accent.

He may have heroically risen up against his mother and saved Matt and Shelby's lives, but not before making my ears bleed with his so-called "Shakespearean accent."
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Matt's escape plan.

With a murderous ghost mob in the front yard, Matt has a brilliant thought: Shelby and Flora will run for the truck as he distracts The Butcher. Really, Matt? Has anything you've seen so far led you to believe that this plan will actually work?

Lo and behold, it doesn't.
4 of 5
Photo: FX.
Never trust a hillbilly with jerky.

What was the point of bringing poor Elias back for half a second? To prove that Mama Polk is batshit crazy? Wouldn't her making a deal with The Butcher to deliver human sacrifices prove that point?

In any case, lesson learned: No more jerky for me.
5 of 5
Photo: FX/Youtube.
The ending.

My Roanoke Nightmare ended with, get this, a nightmare. I leave you with that painfully obvious fact.