Theory: These 27 TV Characters Are GREAT In Bed

What do Don Draper, Samantha Jones, and Joey Tribbiani all have in common? (Apart from being a few of our favorite characters of all time, that is.) We're guessing they are all mind-blowing in bed. And while we're fully cognizant that this trio — and the other 24 we picked — are fully fictional, we're also admitting to fantasizing about what they'd be like in the sack from time to time.

We're pegging Joey as playful and up for everything, and Don as just the right amount of domineering. As for Samantha: She seems like a gal who knows exactly what she wants and how she's going to get it between the sheets. If that isn't deeply sexy, then we don't know what is.

We're not afraid to cop to our minds being lustily in the gutter. You know you want to come down here and join us. And so, without further ado, here are the characters with whom we wouldn't hesitate to hop in the sack, even if just for a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of thrill.

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Photo: Christopher Polk/Getty Images.
The Sexy: Rafael Solano from Jane the Virgin

The Evidence: Watch an episode where he pops his shirt off, and then try and tell us why he doesn’t belong on this list. Also: excellent dancer.

The Caveat: So much baby-mama drama, plus an insane ex-wife who might murder you to get her boo back.
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Photo: Moviestore/REX/Shutterstock.
The Sexy: Jason Stackhouse from True Blood

The Evidence: Have you ever seen a man wear old blue jeans better?

The Caveat: Extended family of vampires, kind of a dumb bunny.
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Photo: Snap Stills/REX/Shutterstock.
The Sexy: Sawyer from Lost

The Evidence: There is a damn good reason he basically never has his shirt buttoned beyond the deep V.

The Caveat: A little rough around the edges. But hey — that might be a good thing.
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Photo: Moviestore/REX/Shutterstock.
The Sexy: Samantha Jones from Sex and the City

The Evidence: If you’re even a casual watcher of SATC, then you know that Sam loves sex. And a partner who truly loves sex — the act itself, the possibilities, the experimentation — is a good one to have.

The Caveat: She tends to hit it and quit it. Also, it took her a really long time to do an AIDs test, even though she had unprotected sex for about five seasons, so that’s something to consider.
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Photo: Courtesy of AMC.
The Sexy: Don Draper from Mad Men

The Evidence: Um, if you have to ask, then you must have a gene that makes you immune to that Don Draper stare, and honestly we feel sorry for you. This is a man who can turn an elevator and an alleyway into perfectly enticing places to get it on. Plus, he’s down for a threesome every so often. So…

The Caveat: You will never, ever, ever be The One. Has very serious baggage. Morphs back into emotional robot after post-sex shower. Not super great to women, generally.
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Photo: Moviestore/REX/Shutterstock.
The Sexy: Sam Malone from Cheers

The Evidence: We can’t even get into all the sexy things about Ted Danson over the years. But back in his Cheers days, we definitely would have gone home with that bartender.

The Caveat: Rough work hours, always awake when you’re asleep.
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Photo: Photofest.
The Sexy: Wade Kinsella from Hart of Dixie

The Evidence: That man is…well, let’s say well-practiced in the sexual arts — he basically hooked up with everyone in town before getting into a relationship with Zoe.

The Caveat: You might have a lot of jilted lovers to fight off with this one, and that is the opposite of hot.
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Photo: Photofest.
The Sexy: Shane from The L Word

The Evidence: First, can we get an R.I.P. for this excellent series? Second, Shane’s voice is enough foreplay for us — that whole low, throaty thing she’s got going is really a turn-on.

The Caveat: Again with the emotionally-unavailable-and-unwilling-to-commit thing. That gets old, fast.
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Photo: Courtesy of Showtime.
The Sexy: Alison and Noah from The Affair

The Evidence: These two have a great thing going, and we can only imagine it would improve with a third.

The Caveat: Introducing a third might create new levels of drama, could blow up in face.
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Photo: NBC/Getty Images.
The Sexy: Donna from Parks and Recreation

The Evidence: This is the woman responsible for "treat yo'self." You better bet she applies that logic in the bedroom.

The Caveat: No caveat. Let's make this happen please.
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Photo: Everett.
The Sexy: Fiona Gallagher from Shameless

The Evidence: We’ve seen Fiona get busy a lot on this show, and it is always highly impressive. Also, she’s got great hair — the kind that might be fun to yank a little.

The Caveat: That girl is always up and out straightaway in the morning, which means she’s probably not going to lounge in bed for an encore.
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Photo: NBC/Getty Images.
The Sexy: Joey Tribbiani from Friends

The Evidence: That hair. Those eyebrows. That "How YOU doin'?" Need we say more?

The Caveat: Also a dumb bunny. Obviously in love with his roommates, Chandler and Rachel.
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Photo: Moviestore/REX/Shutterstock.
The Sexy: Stringer Bell from The Wire

The Evidence: "I'm an XL.”

The Caveat: Well… Are you an XL?
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Photo: NBC/Getty Images.
The Sexy: Kramer from Seinfeld

The Evidence: Hear us out on this one! Kramer is tall, and a little goofy, and sometimes he has a hot tub in his apartment — he’s the very definition of urban wild. Doesn’t that sound like a fun way to romp?

The Caveat: Might be certifiable, in more than just an isn’t-he-quirky way.
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Photo: Randy Holmes/Getty Images.
The Sexy: Dr. Sloan from Grey’s Anatomy

The Evidence: There’s a reason that they call him McSteamy, you guys.

The Caveat: This one has the emotional maturity of a teen bro, so watch out.
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Photo: Bobby Bank/Getty Images.
The Sexy: Detective Stabler from Law & Order: SVU

The Evidence: Tough outer shell. Sweet candy inside.

The Caveat: Definitely in love with Olivia Benson, even if they never admit it in those words.
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Photo: Getty Images.
The Sexy: Aiden from Sex and the City

The Evidence: We’re talking Aiden 2.0 — the one Carrie gets back together with, not the one from the first time around. Slightly edgier and less Golden Retriever-esque Aiden. Short-haired Aiden. Small-chip-on-his shoulder Aiden. That’s the guy we want to go home with.

The Caveat: He has been known to eat fried chicken in bed, and there is nothing sexy about crispy chicken skin stuck to the sheets.
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Photo: Moviestore/REX/Shutterstock.
The Sexy: Mr. Big from Sex and the City

The Evidence: There had to be some reason that Carrie kept going back to him, because it definitely was not his winning attitude. But also: Chris Noth was at his best in this part, with those waggly eyebrows and sweep-her-off-her-feet moves.

The Caveat: Emotionally unavailable. Maybe married. Sometimes smokes in bed, which is almost as bad as eating fried chicken.
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Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
The Sexy: Jessa from Girls

The Evidence: We've been watching homegirl do this a lot over the past five seasons, and she always seems to be having a really good time of it — and figuring out how to get that "O." Anyone who tackles pleasure with that type of single-minded dedication definitely makes our to-do list.

The Caveat: Long hair is amazing until it gets stuck in places that you do not want it to get stuck.
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Photo: ABC Photo Archives/Getty Images.
The Sexy: Blanche Devereaux from The Golden Girls

The Evidence: The sexiest thing about Blanche is that she knows that desire is ageless and isn’t afraid to act on it. On top of being a super babe, she’s also super fearless when it comes to the way she goes after the lover in her crosshairs.

The Caveat: There are no caveats on this one. If Blanche wants to make out, you make out with Blanche.
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Photo: Courtesy of CBS.
The Sexy: Barney from How I Met Your Mother

The Evidence: Let's be honest. Barney is kind of a cad. But there's got to be a reason that women keep coming back after that first tumble in the sheets. If nothing else, he's highly experienced.

The Caveat: Might be an actual nymphomaniac in need of serious emotional therapy, which never bodes well for a potential future breakup.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mitch Haaseth/ABC.
The Sexy: Connor Walsh from How To Get Away With Murder

The Evidence: Self-confident, smart, and single-mindedly focused on claiming his prize? Yes, please.

The Caveat: He’s not afraid to screw anyone over to get what he wants. So watch out for the snake in the grass.
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Photo: Courtesy of Justin Stephens/CBS.
The Sexy: Kalinda from The Good Wife

The Evidence: Gotta love a girl who isn’t afraid to open up about her bisexuality — and is damned sexy and brilliant to boot.

The Caveat: She’s got a rough history of using her conquests as intel for her job, and that’s sort of a red flag in our book.
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Photo: Courtesy of ABC.
The Sexy: Bow from Blackish

The Evidence: Bow is an uncontested mega-babe. But she’s also smart and sassy AF, and we’re guessing that she’s pretty efficient about getting off, since she’s got so many other things to do in a given day. There’s definitely something attractive about that.

The Caveat: None, save for having to lock the door.
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Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
The Sexy: Khaleesi from Game of Thrones

The Evidence: Clearly, Khaleesi has some kind of otherworldly-power thing going on. Just consider how that might be applied in the boudoir.

The Caveat:
Jealous dragons.
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Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
The Sexy: Jon Snow from Game of Thrones

The Evidence: Jon Snow in the snow.

The Caveat: Jon Snow sometimes disappears, because he might be dead, and face it: That is troubling, even if he's just your side piece.
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Photo: Courtesy of Myles Aronowitz/Netflix.
The Sexy: Luke Cage from Jessica Jones

The Evidence: Have you scene this sex scene? You need to see this sex scene.

The Caveat: It seems highly likely that sex with Luke Cage might result in a broken bed. But then again, depending on what goes on atop that mattress, it might be worth it?