The New Furby Definitely Will Not Kill You In Your Sleep

“It's my belief that history is a wheel,” the Roman philosopher Boethius said. “'Inconstancy is my very essence,' says the wheel. Rise up on my spokes if you like but don't complain when you're cast back down into the depths. Good time pass away, but then so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it's also our hope. The worst of time, like the best, are always passing away.”

As with history, so too with Furby.

Furby Connect, the newest iteration of Hasbro’s iconic '90s toy, is available for pre-order in advance of its July 12 release date. The new models are more advanced than ever, but still give the unsettling feeling that you’ve allowed some kind of techno-demon into your home.

The modern version of this devil’s doll includes Bluetooth and wireless connectivity via app on Android, iOS, and Amazon Fire. The app offers social elements and the opportunity to spawn even more of the things. Connectivity also means new content regularly (which apparently you can watch on your phone, and the Furby will react to, as if it's watching what you're watching, too). The furry gizmo also comes preloaded with 1,000 phrases and a set of one hundred animations for its LCD screen eyes. The Furby tracks the time, date, and your every waking moment as it waits for the perfect time to strike.

Oh and you can put a sleep mask on it so the thing sleeps. (Just kidding, it never rests.)

We didn't have fun when we tried to revive our Tamagotchi love as an adult, and we have even lower hopes for this new furry creature.

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