7 Male Superheroes Who Are Clearly Wearing Too Much Makeup

Photo: Courtesy of Jay Maidment/Marvel.
Consider, for a moment, the physical and emotional toll that being a superhero must take on one's body and soul. For reference, think about how shitty you feel after a particularly strenuous week at the office — all-nighters, tight deadlines, angry bosses. As you know, all that stress and lack of sleep catches up to you, showing up first and foremost on your face: undereye bags, acne, and, eventually, wrinkles.

Okay, now ask yourself how much harder battling evil probably is than your job. Saving the planet involves some rough hours (pretty much the graveyard shift, if not 'round the clock). And the duties are stressful, to say the least: annihilating archnemeses, saving the human species, and always racing against time.

So I ask you: Where are Superman's undereye bags? Not a wrinkle in sight, Batman? Zero stress pimples, Thor? And where is the face sweat?! No, apparently male superheroes are pore-less wonders. (New superpower: eternal baby-face.) These guys always have perfectly smooth, line-free, clear skin — and cheekbones that would take a mere mortal hours of contouring to achieve.

But we're calling bullshit, starting with Captain America. Have you seen the trailer for Captain America: Civil War? Notice Chris Evans' caked-on foundation? We're not singling him out, though. Here are seven male superheroes (including a couple supervillains) wearing way too much face makeup.
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Photo: Courtesy of Marvel Studios/Paramount Pictures.
Captain America (Chris Evans)
Captain America's thing is being pretty much perfect, so his flawless complexion is more forgivable than most. Also, they say cryogenic freezing does wonders for the skin.
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Photo: Courtesy of DC Entertainment/Warner Bros.
Superman (Henry Cavill)
Evidently, Kryptonian DNA gives you a smooth forehead and ridiculous cheekbones.
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Photo: Courtesy of Warner Bros.
Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale)
Batman, why the heavy-handed bronzer? You're a night owl who wears a mask. Is it all for Alfred?
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Photo: Courtesy of Marvel Studios/Paramount Pictures.
Loki (Tom Hiddleston)
You know, Loki, if you spent half the time you do applying white powder every morning on more crucial endeavors, like obliterating your brother, you might be in a better place right now.
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Photo: Courtesy of 20th Century Fox.
Johnny Storm/The Human Torch (Chris Evans)
That's right, folks: We've got a repeat offender here. We'd at least expect some kind of sunburn from the whole self-combustion situation.
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Photo: Moviestore/REX/Shutterstock.
The Green Lantern (Ryan Reynolds)
What a perfectly even, peachy complexion you have, Green Lantern. Alas, excessive face makeup was far from the worst thing in this movie.
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Photo: Courtesy of 20th Century Fox/Marvel Entertainment.
Magneto (Michael Fassbender)
There's some serious pressed powder happening on that forehead — you can see it sinking into the lines. That's just embarrassing, no matter how omnipotent your prowess.