I got into foster care when I was two years old, with my sister, who is a little older than me. My mom wasn’t able to keep us. She’s not really meant to be a caregiver for anyone. My sister and I were placed into the same foster homes until I was five, but then she was adopted and I was not. The family that adopted her decided to cut ties, so I was unable to speak to or see her until she turned 18. About nine months ago, I found her on Facebook. We are both different people now, so our "relationship" is pretty much superficial and nonexistent.
I found my mother about nine months or so ago, on Facebook too. I met her once since then, and she is very draining, negative, abusive. I have no time for her. Zero relations.
Part of what I’m looking for in college is to get myself a community and live somewhere safe — I have yet to experience that.
I tend to hang out with upperclassmen a lot. The freshies I hang out with are super down-to-earth and enjoyable to be around, though just a handful. I’m 19 right now; in two months, I’ll be 20. I think maturity-wise, I had to grow up super fast. I kind of connect with upperclassmen on a better level.
At the beginning of the year, I made a lot of connections that were pretty strong, but then after that, when people started smoking weed and drinking, I automatically felt a disconnect. After you connect with someone when they’re sober, you can’t really connect on the same level when they’re drunk, because they're not on the same level. Being sober here has been kind of difficult in that sense. But I’ve been there, done that with drinking. I don’t really want to relive that life again. To relax, I go out to eat with friends (a lot), go on hikes, go to the beach, listen to music, write poetry, and talk, talk, talk.
Currently, I live in a residential hall. Thank god at Mills, we have the option of having a single dorm, so I have a single dorm, and I have a balcony. I’m around people all day; we eat together, we pretty much have to share the bathroom together, we go to class together. I need Shay time at the end of the day, and so I’m glad that I have that. Plus, I sleep outside on my balcony!
I identify as lesbian. From a very young age, I realized I am. Being a lesbian here at Mills College is, like, the norm. I don't particularly have any strong feelings about it — after all, Mills is known as the queer school. I feel comfortable here. During high school, I wouldn’t necessarily say I got into anything super-serious, maybe like eight months was my most serious relationship. Over time, that relationship became something I didn’t really want to be a part of, because the woman I was dating was very negative. I was like, Yeah, you’re cool to have sex with, but not really personality-wise. I already have a lot going on, and the last thing I need is negative energy. The point of a relationship is to build up on each other, not bring each other down; if that’s your relationship, you might as well be single.
The point of a relationship is to build up on each other, not bring each other down; if that’s your relationship, you might as well be single.
I take a lot of meds — antidepressants, ADHD meds. I can’t sleep at night, so I have sleeping medicine, and stuff like that. It’s always been a problem; my attention is all over the place. Over the years, I’ve been learning how to cope better, so I can be focused for a certain amount of time, but after that, I need to have a break. I was going to run for president, but I’m just like, that’s too much. I’ll do that next year.