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Labor Day Horrors: 10 Movie Birth Scenes That Make Us Terrified Of Having Babies

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    Happy Labor Day, everyone! While most of us enjoy this day off work, playing in the sunshine, we'd like to give a tip of the straw hat to all the moms out there who don't get a holiday from that particular job. We'd also like to give a shout-out to all the movies that make that other kind of labor — childbirth — seem like a horror show we'd never sign up for voluntarily.

    The onscreen delivery scene is a cinematic staple decried by many a midwife and doula — the scenes are unrealistically short, fail to depict all the WAITING that goes on, and concentrate mostly on the pain women endure rather than the beautiful miracle their bodies are performing. (Having gone through only half of the experience before being wheeled off for an emergency C-section, this writer isn't a good first-hand judge of how true to life these scenes really are — sorry.) What we can say, though, is that labor scenes in movies like Nine Months and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 make many of us think twice about ever wanting to push out kids of our own. And Knocked Up surely served as birth control for plenty of couples.

    On the bright side, these scenes give us the chance to see some great actresses screaming and cursing their heads off. That's good fun for everyone.


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    Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983)
    Natural-birthing coaches should (and probably do) use this scene as an example of how uncaring many hospitals are about a mother's wishes during labor. But actually, it seems rather comforting to have a machine that goes "ping!" nearby.

    Watch Monty Python's The Meaning of Life on Amazon.

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    The Fly (1986)
    We've included the full creepy David Cronenberg movie here, but skip ahead to 0:57:45 if you want to see Geena Davis' nightmare abortion/birth scene — to a larva! In some sense, the slimy little fly-to-be might be easier to pop out than a bony human baby. (Shivers.)

    Watch The Fly on iTunes.

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    Nine Months (1995)
    This whole movie is basically a compilation of clichés about women wanting babies and men fearing commitment. It features Hugh Grant at the height of his bumbling gentleman shtick, playing a character who's generally undeserving of Julianne Moore's. The delivery scene is very much like most others of its kind — the frantic rush to a labor room, the screaming lady, the last-minute doubt about pain management, the woozy father-to-be. What's different here, and almost manages to save this moment, is Robin Williams as the clueless and stressed-out Russian doc, about to deliver his first two babies in the same room. It also serves as a reminder that babies really don't care about your ideal birth plan — and that you shouldn't have a baby with a wishy-washy man.

    Watch Nine Months on Netflix.

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    Dawn of the Dead (2004)
    Zombie apocalypses suck, in general, so we can only imagine how awful they must be for really pregnant ladies. Poor Luda gets scratched by an undead security guard, and when her husband realizes this, he hopes to save their unborn child by tying up his dying wife. Yeah, things don't end too well. You can watch the awful scene in full here, or enjoy this fan-made re-soundtracked version.

    Watch Dawn of the Dead on Amazon.

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    Children of Men (2006)
    After the entire human race has given up on any woman ever giving birth again, Kee's (Clare-Hope Ashitey) pregnancy is the ultimate miracle. With the world collapsing around us, maybe we wouldn't feel so terrible about having a baby in a dirty hovel with no electricity or running water, and only Clive Owen as a midwife. Good thing her labor seems to last only a few minutes.

    Watch Children of Men on iTunes.