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Love Actually (2003)
To be clear, Love Actually is a delightful movie that I watch religiously every December, and the trailer alone is enough to fill me with holiday glee. But it's not a good pitch for love. You might think you're in a loving marriage, but one Christmas down the road you'll be drowning out your sobs with a pity CD from your cheating husband. This movie makes me want to watch more rom-coms, but definitely not live in them.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
This is what losing love can do to you. Who would want to risk such a spectacular post-breakup break down?
Yes, the soundtrack is catchy as hell, but this movie offers up a pretty awful parable about love: To get the one that you want, you have to change everything about yourself. The one with the hottest personality makeover wins.
Literally Every Lifetime Movie, Ever
Did you meet your husband online? He will murder you. At a farmers' market? He will murder you, possibly by blugoning you with a summer squash. He's a childhood friend you've known forever and just reconnected with? No, he's not; he's actually three rabid raccoons in a trench coat pretending to be your friend. And they will murder you.