Your Horoscope For This Week — Sep 13 2015

Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Got a love note to send or some feelings to share? Bare your souls quickly, stargazers. This Thursday, September 17, Mercury turns retrograde in Libra, the sign of relationships and romance. This signal-scrambling cycle, which lasts until October 9, could bring more than the average amount of lovers’ quarrels, missed connections, and utterly ridiculous (but totally painful) fights. Exes could pop up out of the woodwork or we may have second thoughts about the ones we adore. Make no sudden moves after Friday! Libra rules the law, too, doubling the Mercury retrograde warning signals about signing contracts. If you must ink a deal during the backspin, have a lawyer obsess over the fine print! Mercury retrogrades ARE good for some things, namely all “re” based activities, like reuniting with old friends, reviewing, revamping, and revising. And yeah, even reigniting sparks if it was just bad timing that kept you apart from your soulmate.

There’s more major action this week: On Friday, taskmaster Saturn officially ends a three-year trek through Scorpio. Jealousy, subterfuge, and complicated sexual arrangements (or a lack thereof) were all grist for the mill since October 2012. Of course, this Saturn cycle also brought Truvada, legalized gay marriage, and female Viagra — so we’re not complaining. But a little levity would sure be nice. Deep. Breaths. Saturn now moves on to Sagittarius until December 19, 2017, the sign that rules education, entrepreneurship, and cross-cultural relations. Can’t we all just get along? Seriously! While the road might not be an easy one, Saturn in Sagittarius could bring some breakthrough in how we learn, earn, and relate to each other.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Virgo
Time to budget, Virgo! Getting a handle on your finances is a must early in the week. On Thursday, your ruling planet Mercury flips into a signal-scrambling retrograde in your money house until October 9. Check your bank balance and get real about your upcoming expenses so you don’t blow your cable bill on a carwash-fringe skirt. DO create an entertainment budget, though — a Virgo cannot survive on ramen and Netflix alone. While Mercury’s in reverse, read the return policies before swiping the plastic. Instead of buying everything retail, use some upcycling hacks — new knobs can make a basic dresser look more chic than shabby, for example. There could be some communication meltdowns with coworkers while Mercury’s in retrograde. Best not to send any snarky or venting exchanges on the company server, either!

Your domestic side takes the wheel on Friday, too, as traditional Saturn decamps to Sagittarius and your home and family zone until December 2017. Although you’re also hosting jet setting Jupiter in your sign for a year, you need a stable base to return to after all those globetrotting jaunts. Find a great place to hang your floppy hat. You might even relocate to be closer to family — or to get farther away from them if you’re ready to fly outta that nest. (Saturn is the maturity planet, after all.) Ready to play the real estate game? Start saving up to buy a house or apartment. Working with powerful women could make you richer over the coming two-plus years. So could a home-based business. Your kitchen table could soon become a workstation.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Libra
Who do you think you are, Libra? From Thursday until October 9, Mercury will be retrograde in Libra. Assume nothing during this signal-jamming phase because people are likely to misread your intentions. Frustrating? Yes. But instead of tucking away in a dark cave, use this as a wake-up call to take better command of your image. Scroll through your timelines and feeds: Do the photos and posts represent the sophisticated person you really are? Give your wardrobe a once-over, too. It takes less than a second for human beings to form a first impression. How do you want to be perceived? This isn’t just superficial, Libra; it’s about self-direction. You might even hire a stylist, graphic designer, or photographer to assist with your upgrade. Just wait until after October 9 to pick the fonts or schedule a shoot. Dig around in your personal archives: In your desire to change, did you sideline some valuable aspects of yourself? A look, an idea, or even a passion you shelved could be ripe for a revival.

Mercury’s irritations aside, there’s plenty for you to celebrate this the week: Your money struggles are easing up, at last! This Friday, taskmaster Saturn leaves your financial zone, where it’s been putting you on an extreme budget for the past three years. Now, a lighter cosmic phase emerges. Until December 2017, Saturn will tour Sagittarius and your social, cooperative third house. Partnerships — the platonic variety like BFFs and creative collabs — will emerge as the new path to prosperity. Nothing happens overnight with Saturn in the mix, but start casting candidates for a dynamic duo. Got an idea for a blog, book, or documentary? Writing and media projects could get a stabilizing boost from Saturn, but you’ll have to be patient with the process. You could even develop a workshop to guide people through a skill you’ve mastered or go through a teacher training to get certified.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Scorpio
Okay, Scorpio...you’ve got some ‘splaining to do. As the 12-steppers say, you’re only as sick as your secrets. Prying open the vault can help you unburden your soul. But please choose the right confidantes for your confessionals. P.S.: These might even be people who you pay, like therapists and coaches. Or reach out to an older relative who has “been there, done that.” Your BFFs probably don’t have degrees in psychology and may not be adept at helping you navigate some of the more intense emotions that come up this week. Also, Mercury turns retrograde from Thursday until October 9 — and in your 12th house of illusions. Figuring out who to trust won’t be easy during this three-week cycle; in fact, someone you THOUGHT you could count on could reveal another face. Creativity will be hella cathartic while Mercury’s in reverse. Channel that angst into a song, painting, or crazy-detailed crafting project.

Despite Mercury’s mayhem, you have plenty of reason to pop open the bubbly and celebrate! On Friday, taskmaster Saturn exits your sign after an ass-kicking tour of Scorpio that started on October 6, 2012 — not to return again until 2041! The last three years have basically been cosmic boot camp for you. And while you’re stronger, smarter, and faster, you’d really appreciate a break from all the harsh lessons. Rejoice in the comfort, joy, and rewards the cosmos are bringing! For the next two-plus years, Saturn will tour Sagittarius and your second house of financial foundations, helping you settle into a grounded, prosperous groove. One word: monetize! Your mission now is to make some serious bank from all the big lessons you’ve learned since 2012. While you may have some dues left to pay, the path to greater wealth begins NOW. Be modest and frugal as you get into gear: Rome’s revival is underway, but you won’t build it (or renovate it) in a mere day.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Sagittarius
Who’s got your back? If anyone on Team Sagittarius has left you in doubt, sit down for an honest conversation early this week. What you discover could be affirming — or disarming. But here’s why you’ll be glad you know: From Thursday until October 9, Mercury will flip into a confusing retrograde through Libra and your 11th house of community. You need an airtight entourage during this three-week phase, because one rotten Pink Lady can spoil the barrel. The 11th house is the tech sector of the zodiac, doubling Mercury retrograde’s warning label to back up your digital devices and password protect your sensitive data. On the bright side, you could reconnect with old friends (through social media, perhaps) and plan a lively reunion. This Mercury retrograde is perfect for getting the gang — or the band — back together.

But that’s not even the biggest news of the week. On Friday, drill sergeant Saturn moves back into Sagittarius until December 19, 2017. Are you ready to be stronger, sleeker, smarter, and basically bulletproof? The next two years could feel a bit like boot camp, delivering challenges that also help you grow. Fortunately, you’re the type who likes to break a sweat. You briefly hosted Saturn in your sign from last Christmas to this June 14, so prepare to pick up where you left off early summer. Prior to that, the last time Saturn visited your sign was from November 1985 to November 1988, so this cycle is pretty rare. Suit up, Archer, and get ready for basic training. If you want to win the Saturn game, you must be disciplined, restricting yourself from instant gratification in the name of long-term reward. While this won’t be the easiest chapter of your life, you will start to love it when you see results. Bring on the upgrades and start investing in quality over quantity.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Capricorn
Forget about leaning in, Capricorn. For the next few weeks, you’ll want to lean back and observe. From Thursday until October 9, Mercury will be retrograde in your 10th house of career, flashing the yellow lights. Do you have some dues to pay? Is there an important exec and influencer you need to impress? Humble thyself and be of service. Better you should ask extra questions than try to wing it. Got a big project in the works? Build strategically behind the scenes so you can come out swinging on October 9. And don’t forget that it’s all about who you know. Mercury’s backspin is an ideal time to deepen your most important professional connections. Spring for a few power lunches, put in a few hours as the celebrity apprentice, and take a special training to sharpen up your skill set.

On Friday, your ruling planet Saturn decamps to Sagittarius and your dreamy, enchanted 12th house until December 2017. You’re so used to chasing the dream that it’s almost an addiction. But now your directive is to do less — and to learn how to use the law of attraction like a pro. Visualizing what you want is the first step to manifesting it. But wanting it is not enough. You must also believe that you can achieve it. Work with coaches, mentors, and therapists if your confidence is at all flagging. This is the perfect time to start meditating, journaling, and doing yoga — all activities that help your brain relax and organize its storehouse of thoughts. Surprise, surprise! The more relaxed you are, the more receptive (and magnetic) you’ll be for the miracles coming your way. Letting go of the past will be a big theme, too. This transitional phase is setting the stage for your reinvention tour, which begins when Saturn enters Capricorn for three years on December 19, 2017.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Aquarius
Down the truth serum, Aquarius! If you have some honest thoughts to share, you’ll want to blurt ‘em out before Thursday, when Mercury slips into a three-week retrograde. At that point, your message could truly get lost in translation. Those helpful hints could hurt people’s feelings and your wicked-funny jokes could just feel wicked. Travel plans could hit a snag with Mercury's retrograde. If you can put off a journey until October 9, do. Otherwise, triple-confirm all reservations and order your Uber with ample time for airport shenanigans. (Oh, and don’t forget your ID!) Retrogrades rule the past, so a vacation to a favorite pin on Google Earth could actually be blissful. A long-distance contact could come out of the woodwork, too — perhaps it’s time to plan a reunion.

On Friday, taskmaster Saturn leaves your career house after a rocky three-year phase. At last! You can figure out what you REALLY want to do with your life — or reap the rewards of your hard work since October 2012. Now, Saturn moves into an easier position until December 2017 — into Sagittarius and your 11th house of community. There is strength in numbers, Aquarius, which is something your socially savvy sign knows well. Start vetting candidates for your dream team (carefully!) or joining forces with other movers and shakers. You might be inspired to create a non-profit, socially responsible business, become an activist, or even build your own website. Saturn demands mastery, though. When it comes to the projects you’re most passionate about, keep the weak links off your chain.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Pisces
Is it love — or just a torrid attraction gone wrong? This week could bring some intense developments in the romance department. On Thursday, Mercury will turn retrograde in your house of intimate bonding until October 9. This signal-jamming cycle makes it hard to read people’s true intentions, so find out if you’re really overreacting (or not) early this week. A soul-baring conversation might just clear the air and bring you closer to the one you adore. But it could also reveal a discrepancy in commitment levels and you’ll have to make some tough decisions. This Mercury retrograde could even bring back an ex or unrequited crush. Sure, this person might be the best sex you ever/never had, but reopening that door won’t lead you anywhere positive. Be careful about who you get into bed with literally AND financially while Mercury’s in reverse. Hold off on business deals or shared purchases until you have all the details squared up and in writing!

But you can still pull that power suit to the front of your closet, Pisces. This Friday, success-obsessed Saturn switches signs, moving into Sagittarius and your ambitious 10th house until December 2017. This two-year cosmic phase could bring all your hard work to a stunning new milestone. Saturn never brings an easy ride to the top, so don’t expect overnight success. Instead, begin grooming yourself for an executive title or even entrepreneurship by learning from the pros. Learning to be a leader — the kind who holds people accountable for stepping up to the plate — will be another big lesson. Admit it, you can be quite the softy. But Saturn’s rallying cry is “No excuses!” Toughen up those scales, because you might have to play “cold fish” a little to wake up the slackers. You may need to polish up your professional image a bit, too. Bring on the stylists, branding experts, and career coaches! Men will be the star players in your meteoric rise, so give the guys some extra airtime.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Aries
Got some love issues to work out, Aries? Lay your cards on the table early this week. On Thursday, messenger Mercury slips into a signal-jamming retrograde in Libra and your relationship house until October 9. This will throw a curveball into your tag team game, including business partnerships and other collabs. Iron out the wrinkles before then, so those speedbumps don’t turn into barricades. Sign any contracts early this week or put the paperwork on hold until October 9. Mercury’s backspin could draw an ex back into the picture or give you cold feet about a relationship that you’re in. Don’t make any sudden moves or binding decisions, Aries. The next three weeks will be a rollercoaster ride that reveals A LOT. Don’t worry: you CAN come out of it stronger if you leave no stone unturned.

Also on Friday, taskmaster Saturn switches signs, heading into Sagittarius and your ninth house of travel, education, and entrepreneurial ventures until December 2017. This can actually bring major relief in the love department. The last three years have brought some shady situations. Maybe you fell under a player’s spell, lost your lusting feelings for your S.O., or let lines blur a little too much. But you’ve also learned what qualities you truly appreciate in people. Could it be that you’re ready to commit to just one person? It’s looking that way. Projects you’ve been developing behind the scenes could draw investors. Over the next two years, you could make a mint from an entrepreneurial venture or media project. You could relocate for work (perhaps for a startup) or go on a life-changing vacation that expands your horizons. No more pencils, no more books? Guess again. Saturn’s challenges come with a learning curve — one that could send you back to school or even teacher training.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Taurus
You love your lifehacks, Taurus, and this week will demand plenty more from you. On Thursday, a signal-scrambling Mercury retrograde begins in Libra and your sixth house of efficiency. If you’re not properly prepared, this can bring a system overload! Before Thursday, revamp your daily flow. Leave some whitespace on the calendar, too, because Mercury’s backspin could force you to be flexible and accommodate other people’s schedules. Good help is hard to find, but it’s not a mission impossible. Someone you’ve relied on for help could flake during the retrograde. If you’re already seeing signs of them slipping away, address it early in the week. That way, you don’t have to reach crisis mode before you find a replacement. With Mercury in reverse, your new right hand might even be a superstar from your past.

The second biggest news of the week also comes on Friday, when serious Saturn heads into Sagittarius and your eighth house of intimacy, seduction, and shared resources until December 2017. For the past three years, the taskmaster planet sat directly opposite your Sun, forcing some major growth in the relationship department. At times, this was painful, too, and you dealt with some of your own demons (hello, abandonment issues?). But you learned SO much, including what you REALLY need from a significant other. The heat is off of you now (Amen!) and it’s time to sort through your circle. Who do you want in your entourage over the next two years — and who do you want in your bed? Saturn will tour your intimate eighth house until December 2017, so the people you merge with are bound to stick around. Trust issues may arise over the next few weeks, but get the facts before you react. Could it be that you’ve been blurring too many lines yourself? Your personal integrity is essential to your relationship harmony. Stay honest and true and you could lock down a soulmate. This Saturn cycle teaches you how to respect the almighty dollar, too. Break out that Suze Orman book or work with an investment advisor. By December 2017, you might just save up enough to buy your own place.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Gemini
Cupid’s got you in his crosshairs this week, Gemini — although his plan could get rather, um, complicated. On Friday, wise and mature Saturn moves into Sagittarius, activating your seventh house of committed partnerships until December 2017. As a mercurial Gemini, the idea of settling down with just one person can be a mixed bag. While you are a true romantic, you suffer from FOMO worse than most. But over the coming two years, you could find someone who is interesting enough to hold your attention for the long haul. Sagittarius is your opposite sign, which means Saturn will face off with your sun. Relationships will be major mirrors now, so don’t push away the people who challenge you. To win the Saturn game, you can’t point the finger of blame. Do some personal inventory — it’s time to work on your own communication skills and listen to people’s feedback. You are strong enough to take it! Are you caught in a bad romance or limiting business deal? Saturn’s move could push you to the tipping point. Alas, disentangling will be a slower process than just packing a bag and saying sayonara. Lawyers may be needed — both to liberate you from contracts and to draft new ones with people who are meant to last.

But just as Saturn gets you all serious about amour, Mercury brings a dose of drama. On Thursday, your ruling planet flips into reverse, retrograding through your fifth house of passion until October 9. Signals scramble — and it will be just as hard to get a proper EKG reading on your own heart. Confess feelings to your crush before then, or you might have to wait until October 9 to deliver that love note. You could even hear from a complicated old flame near the weekend — someone who always leaves you feeling off balance. On the plus side, Mercury retro CAN expose issues that need to be dealt with. Instead of bolting when the going gets tough, book a couple’s therapy session and bring back the love.
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Cancer
Feather that nest, Cancer — and do it fast. On Thursday, messenger Mercury flips into a three-week retrograde in your domestic fourth house, scrambling the signals under your roof. Irritating behaviors could become grounds for Roommateageddon 2015, so call a house meeting before Friday to get everyone back on the same page. Family members could push you past your natural limits during Mercury’s backspin, which lasts until October 9. Put some boundaries in place early this week, while cooler heads prevail. While you’re at it, call the super to fix your leaky faucet and get those sketchy vintage lamps rewired. On a positive note, this Mercury retro could bring a reunion with an old BFF — even a girl gang from your past who you’ve missed like crazy. Reconnecting with them will be a relief since you might just need a break from a few female friends who are working your nerves.

Spend some time this week purging the junk food from your fridge and wrangling your schedule back under control. On Friday, Saturn, the “personal trainer planet” heads into Sagittarius and your sixth house of healthy living until December 2017. With this two-year cycle stretching ahead, you might just start living in Lululemon. If you tap its powers, Saturn will help you stay disciplined and get into incredible shape. Taking great care of your health is also essential, since work will become more demanding. Roll up your sleeves, grasshopper. You’ll have some dues to pay in order to get to the next rung of the ladder. Grit your teeth and push through the “wax on, wax off” practice period. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! Win over the influencers by being the happy helper, too. Then, they’ll open doors for you. And here’s a bonus: Saturn is leaving Scorpio and your fifth house of romance taking the heat off your love life. Opening your heart will be easier again — and you’re bound to make better decisions from all you’ve learned since October 2012!
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Illustrated by Lynnie Zulu.
Leo
Are you ready for your close-up, Leo? This Tuesday, disciplined Saturn embarks on a two-year tour through Sagittarius and your fifth house of fame, leadership, and romance. Although the spotlight is shining on you, Saturn wants you to show a more mature face to the world. Be more discerning with those ‘grams and make sure you practice before “just winging it” with a presentation. People are watching you now. Use your powers for good: The call to be a role model will be strong between now and December 2017. Relationships will go through a “maturing phase” with Saturn here. Your tolerance for the players evaporates; you might even settle down with someone a little older or more established. Learning the difference between love and infatuation will be a big lesson for romance-addict Leos now. Take. Your. Time.

Got something important to say? Spit it out, fast. On Thursday, Mercury dips into a signal-scrambling mode until October 9. This one could be a bit of a double-whammy for you, since it takes place in Libra and your third house of communication. Getting your point across could be trying at times — and hey, this wouldn’t be the worst time to book that silent meditation retreat. Tension could go from simmer to boil with a sibling, neighbor, or coworker, so if you have beef, hash it out early this week! On a positive note, the retrograde could bring happy reunions with friends from back in the day. Transportation may be affected, so get your car tuned up early in the week. Keep a spare tire in your trunk and make sure your gas tank is full before you drive off. Need a new set of wheels? Shop around, but wait until after October 9 to make your final selection.
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