How To Make A Woman Orgasm, As Told By That Exact Woman

Photographed by Alexandra Gavillet.
This story was originally published on August 21, 2015.

Tumblr is a useful tool in all areas of life — whether you need help identifying the worst cats, capturing the nuances of '90s figure skating, or determining in what ways your favorite celebrity is actually problematic. Tumblr is also a hotbed for sexual, if not downright sexy, content that can range from playful to pornographic. A new blog, launched earlier this week, hits both ends of that spectrum and everywhere in between. It's called How To Make Me Come, where the "Me" in question is a woman, and the female orgasm is the star.

Each post to the Tumblr is a personal essay, written by a woman, detailing in her own florid (or, depending on the lady, matter-of-fact) words how she reaches her climax. The very first post is only three words long, but it already alludes to the direction that the subsequent essays will take: "DON'T JUST LICK!" Funny, yet incredibly relatable. Brief, but not to be swept aside.

With such a candid first post, it makes sense that its concept was born out of a conversation between two female friends. "I had an experience...[that] left me thinking obsessively about female orgasm and communication," explains the anonymous founder of How To Make Me Come over email. "I blurted out all my thoughts to one of my closest friends. I felt this surge of adrenaline as I began to confess every detail to her, from the thrilling to the mortifying," she continues, before describing her friend's reactions to her thoughts: "Nods of agreement. Gasps of surprise. Full-body laughter. Agonizing admissions." This single interaction stuck with her, even though, she admits, she had had countless discussions about sex with this friend before. "If this was how it felt to be this honest about female orgasm with one woman, I wanted to have this conversation on a much larger scale. I needed more women," the founder concluded.

She began with close friends and expanded outward to friends of friends until a collective of sorts amounted around her cause — which was, at its core, quite simple:
Photographed by Alexandra Gavillet.

I wanted to delve into the real female orgasm experience... I wanted to display the spectrum of desire. Not only because I think the female orgasm can sometimes be challenging to achieve and/or talk about, but also because I suspect that when we talk about female orgasm, something deeper is at play.


That "something deeper," the founder adds, is "the societal assessment and conversation of female sexuality, the consequences of which bleed into the areas of our lives outside the bedroom."
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Just a glance at some of the posts' titles, which range from, “If A Guy Knew The Things That Got Me Off, I Think He'd Run For The Hills,” to "I Didn't Come But He'd Get Me Wetter And Wetter, And He Made Me Laugh, Which Is Almost Better,” will show you how varied these stories are — ringing with that idea of a spectrum of desire — and just how awesomely real these women get while telling them. Many of the women begin by listing off what does not make them orgasm, despite preexisting notions of how to get a woman off. For these writers, the first step in getting there is usually telling a partner what needs refinement. One woman writes: "There’s a very fine line between kissing breasts in a super sexy way and making it feel like a man is feeling super oedipal and trying to breast-feed. Kissing the nipple and all around the breast up to the collarbone is a great move without actually suckling the nipple."

The creator of the blog says that "it's only through seeing this many essays at once that one can see not only the variations in experiences, but also the similarities and emerging patterns," and, along with the above desire to share personal opinions about what's hot and what's creepy comes countless glowing endorsements of communication — speaking up and asking for exactly what you want, without shame or self-consciousness. Taking this direct approach to pleasure will demystify the female orgasm and its supposedly mercurial nature. Perhaps no one has said it better than this anonymous poster: “If every woman throughout the history of mankind had demanded to have an orgasm along with her male partner, we probably would have evolved as a gender that could always orgasm.” As more women lend their stories to How To Make Me Come, we hope to hear their voices amplified to the point of being deafening and impossible to ignore.

We've excerpted some of our favorite stories below, but they all deserve a read — and every woman deserves to come.
Photographed by Alexandra Gavillet.
#71: “You Told Me If I Didn't Act Like I Was Into Sex, We'd Have To Stop Dating."
“We were super drunk. You were screaming at me you didn’t mind if I squirt. I was never going to, because this isn’t porn, and I didn’t even come close… You also got visibly bored, which made me tense in exactly the wrong way. You also made me feel ashamed that it wasn’t happening… Let me tell you about the first time I really came. You were patient and kind. You made me comfortable. Relaxed. Willing to be vulnerable. I fell in love with you. And then, all that made me confident. I told you exactly what to do. The second I did, you listened, you followed instructions, and suddenly, on a Saturday afternoon during magic hour, the sunset filtered through wooden blinds, it felt just like that moment in a movie when the camera zooms into someone’s iris, and you see all the roygbivness of life in super speed motion, a crash of sounds, smash cuts to dancing, space travel, people fucking, ending with an opera singer’s chandelier smashing high note.”
#34: “I Feel Her Strap-On Bulging Through Her Pants."
"I feel her strap-on bulging through her pants and boxer briefs. I immediately get wet, surprised and excited that she has been waiting for me with the dick on. I moan with satisfaction as she presses herself against me and squirm with excitement. When she is fucking me, my mind is overwhelmed with pleasure. She is rough tonight, not letting me touch her, moving me around the bed however she likes. My moans tell her that I like it. She knows how much it turns me on to give over control, to submit and let her have her way. I love pleasing her. She fucks me hard and talks dirty to me, calling me a bad girl, but never a bitch. She knows exactly how to occupy this dominant role without offending me, she knows my boundaries and respects them. She fucks me from behind, turning me over and slapping my ass several times, so that it stings. She pulls my hair, bringing my head back towards hers."

#29: “I Just Knew That I Associated The Highest Form Of Love With Pressing Your Body Against Other People."
"I don’t want to ever wake up the next day and regret sex because I like sex so much. But great sex sometimes feels as rare as real love. And that’s really scary. More than cum in your eye scary. Even more than pop-up of a naked granny getting cum in her eye scary. So, what? Do I have to be totally in love to orgasm? Do I need to have Kim Kardashian moaning in the background to get off? (I sincerely really loved her work in that one). I don’t know. I think the answer is real touch trial and error on the way to real love. An orgasm is a conversation, it’s a search engine query in real time with a real Ask Jeeves response. I’ll start talking if you talk back."
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