The 12 Most Outrageous Things Snooki Told Me, Ranked

Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages.
Nicole Polizzi, more informally known as Snooki, is a proud mother of two. And, anyone who's followed her journey from Jersey Shore to the present can tell you that she's not afraid to spill details about her life. In her new book Baby Bumps: From Party Girl to Proud Mama, and all the Messy Milestones Along the Way, Snooki opens up about the most intimate and candid aspects of pregnancy with her first son, Lorenzo. 

When we sat down to talk, Snooki was predictably honest, giving zero fucks — just as I remembered her from TV. Though she still plays up her small-screen persona in public, Snooki's changed considerably since becoming a mother. Ahead, the most incredible things she shared with me during our interview, ranked. Because Snooki is far too eloquent and unique to fit into a conventional Q&A.

12. "With my book, it's more about stories. Like, 'This morning I shit myself.' It's more relatable. More human."
When I asked Snooki what made her pregnancy book different from something like, say,What to Expect When You're Expecting, she got right to the point. "That book doesn’t tell you what really goes on. It’s not relatable," she said.  "It gives you information like, in the first trimester you’re gonna feel nauseous, and you should be eating this." Snooki's book, however, is more about what really goes on, including personal stories. "I just wanted to be honest with pregnancy, tell you exactly what happens. I’m happy, because a lot of people do come up to me and say,  'I read your book, you saved my life, I know I’m not crazy, I felt the same thing you did.'"

11. "Us girls, we always go through that slutty stage, which I know is gonna happen, but I want her to be a classy woman."
Snooki's time on Jersey Shore has affected the way some people see her as a mom. They see her persona on the reality show as inextricably linked to who she is now. "They have to get over that. It was, like, five years ago. I wasn’t a mother yet," she told me. "I feel like my true fans know exactly who I am now. I’m still that girl, but I’m different. I still have my personality — I’m still funny and dorky. But, I’m a mom, so I’m more responsible. But, I still know how to have fun.” Still, she'd rather her own children not follow in her reality-TV footsteps: "Like every mom, I want my kids to be a doctor or lawyer, something cool like that." That said, she'd still support them in whatever they want to do. She especially wants to make sure they're respectful of her and Jionni and don't become bullies. "If they are, I'm gonna kill them." As for her daughter, I told Snooki I'm sure she'll grow up to be classy. "I doubt it," she replied. "She's my kid."

10. "I went on the show, honestly, for the free booze and to live in a free Shore house for the summer." 
Well, that and to find a husband with whom she could have tan babies. "And, it happened. So, everything that I wanted did happen the way I wanted it to, which is crazy, because life's not always like that." 
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9. "If you really want a kid, fuck work."
I asked Snooki if she felt like women still had to choose between a having a career and motherhood. She does. "No matter what you’re doing with a job or career, when you have a kid, it changes your life 100%," she said. "You’re gonna leave for maternity. You can’t just go and do a trip for work, because you have a baby now." Snooki says her first priority is her kids.

8. "
I love my old Kimmy with the black hair, bandage dresses — like who she was before Kanye."
Snooks and I got to talking about how the media can be so unforgiving toward pregnant women. She knows it's the media's job to sell a story, but so much of the coverage around a female celeb with a baby on the way can feel downright dirty. "I saw that a lot with Kim [Kardashian] when she was pregnant. They were brutal to her! Calling her fat and a whale. And, I’m like, ‘She’s pregnant.’ So rude.” Though, she does miss the Kim of days gone by. "I still support her, but I’m more of a Kylie fan. I just love the Jenners. The Kardashians — I don’t wanna say they’re old — but the Jenners are killing it. I’m obsessed with them.”

7. "I idolize Jessica Simpson, because she's an idiot like me."
Before anyone gets mad, read on: "She's a good businesswoman, good mother, good person. Never met her, but if I did I'd probably pee my pants." Snooki also adores Jenna Dewan Tatum and Zendaya, whom she spent "an hour stalking" after that whole Giuliana Rancic thing went down. 

6. “What I like to do is, since I have a lot of followers and a lot of them deal with bullying — I’ve been bullied all my life — you’ve gotta kill them with kindness and make them look like the idiot."
Consider this your warning: Do not try to troll Snooki on Twitter. It will only end badly for you.  "Just make fun of what they’re saying or laugh with them, because then they feel stupid," she advised. She's not kidding, either. Snooki regularly calls out her haters on Twitter for everyone to see. "I try to set an example, and they end up deleting their Twitter or they block everybody because they feel stupid. That’s what you get for fucking with me. Excuse my language.”

5. "I think everybody secretly hates pregnancy."
Snooki is adopted, so I wondered if she herself had considered adopting, too. She was forthcoming about the fact that she doesn't love being pregnant. "I love the result of being pregnant," but not necessarily the nine months of that experience. She is open to adoption one day. "Maybe a baby from Chile."

4. "I don't really talk to any other celebrities. I'm, like, really normal."
When asked if any other celebs have given her parenting advice, Snooki said she's more about keeping it simple. "I don't really have any celebrity friends, because I live in Jersey. If I lived in L.A., I'd probably hang out with a couple." Plus, having a less high-profile life allows her to "stay grounded and humble."

3. "When I got pregnant, my friends said, 'Abort.'"
They were just kidding. "My friends are assholes." But, they did warn her that it was going to drastically change her life. "I was terrifed with Lorenzo because I wasn't ready. It was two years earlier than I wanted to have a kid. But, it was the best thing to ever happen to me."

2. "My boobs are disgusting."
Snooki and Jionni are having some trouble keeping the magic alive. "Lorenzo was easy, because if he took a nap then we would watch a movie and be romantic. But, right now [Jionni's] with Lorenzo full-time. They sleep in his bed, I sleep in the bed with the baby. I’m hands-on with the baby because I’m breast-feeding, so she’s, like, attached to me. So, it’s hard to find time just to be alone. We’re still working on that." And, how does she feel about women who get backlash for posting breast-feeding Instagrams? She wouldn't personally do it. "Jionni's very protective of my body. He doesn't want anybody to see it but him," she said. "But, power to them for doing that. I think it’s great. I don’t understand why it’s so bad. You’re giving your baby the best milk that they need.”

1. "I don't want anyone else dying."
This was in response to a direct question about her Walking Dead habit, which she listed as one of her many hobbies. Additionally, Snooki has an Etsy store and is working with her pal JWoww on what they want their next project to be. "We wanna stay together. We’re not done, and fans still wanna see more of us. If that doesn’t happen, I still wanna do more reality. I love it. It’s my life." I suggested voicing a cartoon, which Snooki thought was a great idea. "I thought about getting into comedy because comedy's so natural to me," she said. Though, she notes she can't act for shit. What about stand-up? Her confessional-style segments of Jersey Shore were always so funny. "Because I was drunk," she explained.
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