Barbie's Resume Is Mind-Blowing

Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Last week, Mattel had a bit of a misstep when it introduced Computer Engineer Barbie to the world. What should have been a "yay" moment was more of a "WTF" when we learned that this new Barbie is apparently so terrible at her job that she needed two men to help destroy the virus she — oops! — accidentally downloaded. In an age when women run technology companies (albeit not at the numbers we would like), girls code, and the White House has a women in STEM initiative, you have to wonder who thought up that storyline.
But, you know what? Barbie is going to bounce back. Since she first came on the scene in 1959, this doll has had more careers than any Hollywood hyphenate. She's been a pet stylist, an aerobics instructor, a news anchor, a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, a surgeon, a candy-store cashier, a business executive, and even had a 2009 stint as a SeaWorld trainer (she obviously saw Blackfish and rethought that one). She even went to the moon before Neil Armstrong.
Imagine the skillset on her resume! The woman can clearly do anything, probably because she never has to sleep or eat. We bet right now Computer Engineer Barbie is building a time machine to go back and change her origin story.
Read on for some highlights of her impressive job history.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Paleontologist, 1997 & 2012

Anything Ross Geller can do, she can do better. The flowered vest can also really brighten up an archeological dig.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Aerobics Instructor, 1984 & 2009

The years Barbie got "Physical."
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Career Woman, 1999

Flip phone in hand, Ally McBeal outfit freshly pressed, there's nothing this business-minded young woman can't do. Note that statement choker.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Entrepreneur, 2014

So-long, flip phone. Hello, iPhone and iPad. And, you just know she's got Google Glass in her bag.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Astronaut, 1985

Earth's nations can stop arguing over who owns the moon, it's Barbie territory. (At least, until Britney arrives.)
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, 2008

Perhaps not the job every woman dreams of, but we like to think she was undercover to do an exposé on some nefarious stadium goings-on. You know, like Nellie Bly.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Air Force Pilot, 1990

What to love most? The need for speed? The selfless bravery? The wind-proof hairstyle? The patriotism? The list goes on.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Secretary, 2007

Strong look, but why is she still using a typewriter in 2007?
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Surgeon, 1973

Props on the job, though we recommend donning pants before operating on anyone.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Swim Teacher, 2008

Every swimming instructor needs a giant hairbrush.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Waitress, 2006

The coffee's hot, the food's cheap, and the tip's not included. We're guessing after the first shift she switches to flats.
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Photo: Courtesy of Mattel.
Presidential Candidate, 2012

As you can see from her pin, she's representing the populist, consumer-oriented Barbie Party. This message brought to you by Plastics For A Better America. Hillary, are you listening?
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