5 Birthday Presents To Honor Queen Bey

Photo: REX USA/Stewart Cook.
All hail the day of days: the anniversary of Beyoncé’s birth. There are a million things we wish we could give Queen Bey for her birthday, both conceptual and tangible. After all, what do you get the woman who has everything, including a Chanel surfboard? That's why we would proffer qualities and experiences that cannot be measured in monetary value. These include:
— A hologram Bey so that she can skip annoying events but have a virtual goddess in her place (cough Kimye's wedding cough).
— New, edited versions of all the magazines and newspapers that came out in May 2014, revised to omit any and all mentions of #elevatorgate.
— A promise that the theme of next year's Met Gala will be "Beyoncé Knowles: #Flawless," a retrospective of her amazing Tumblr. It's way better than a book of selfies.
— One solid week of news during which speculation of her impending divorce doesn't appear.
— Love you can actually get drunk on (note: we still need to flesh out this idea with a distiller).
Those are our dream gifts for Beyoncé. Since they might be a little hard for Jay Z and Bey's friends to procure, though, here are five real-world presents with which we know she'll be crazy in love.