Jennifer Lawrence Says The Darndest Things

Photo: REX USA/Camilla Morandi/Rex.
It is truly a great time to be alive. Think about it: anything can be ordered with the tap of a finger, Beyoncé is alive, and Jennifer Lawrence/J.Lawr/Jlawr, America's nü sweetheart, is breaking down any and all of society's taboos. Nothing is off limits when she opens her mouth. Feces, butt plugs, copious amounts of food; you name it, she's most likely uttered some earth-shaking quote about it. She's the pretty girl next door with the mouth like a sailor. Some might argue she's a freshman college dude in a Jennifer Lawrence bodysuit. But, truthers know she's just being Miley real.
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Word vomit is her thing. And, since prepubescent humor is also her thing, let's play a little game of Two Truths & A Lie to celebrate her 24th birthday. One quote is fake, the other two are real — guess which one is the lie. Use your noggin' and really think about what smidgens of J. Lawr wisdom await you on the next slide. May the odds be ever in your, erm, favor.
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Photo: REX USA/Camilla Morandi/Rex.
Two of these quotes are real and one is fake: guess the lie!

"I was gonna say, you should start exercising your vagina."

"I still can't believe a tabloid hasn't run like, 'Jennifer Lawrence Is Into Beastiality.' I basically handed that one to them."

"Is your rash doing okay?"
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Photo: REX USA/Jonathan Hordle/Rex.
Lie from previous slide: "I still can't believe a tabloid hasn't run like, 'Jennifer Lawrence Is Into Beastiality.' I basically handed that one to them."

"I told Victoria's Secret I would pay them to be an Angel. They said no."

"Cake Balls."

"As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it’s hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed with. You cup it, and then you throw it in someone’s face and say, 'Take a bite out of that cheeseburger!'"
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Photo: REX USA/Theo Kingma/Rex.
Lie from previous slide: "I told Victoria's Secret I would pay them to be an Angel. They said no."

"Peetniss? Penis?"

"Screw PETA."

"Sometimes Josh and I would be stuck in the cave so long for setups, and you don't want to move to go to the bathroom. So, maybe I've peed in front of Josh Hutcherson. Jealous?"
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Photo: BEImages/Jim Smeal.
Lie from previous slide: "Sometimes Josh and I would be stuck in the cave so long for setups, and you don't want to move to go to the bathroom. So, maybe I've peed in front of Josh Hutcherson. Jealous?"

"If I don’t have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on."

"I fall asleep fantasizing about the Food Network."

"When I’m out, I think about my couch. Like, 'It would be awesome to be on it right now. I bet there’s an episode of Dance Moms on. Am I missing a new episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians?'"
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Photo: REX USA/Oscar Gonzalez/NurPhoto/Rex.
Lie from previous slide: "I fall asleep fantasizing about the Food Network."

"I just went to the doctor today, I got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven."

"My breasts have a life of their own."

"My boobs are awesome. Whatever. Sometimes I feel myself up."
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Photo: BEImages/Jim Smeal.
Lie from previous slide: "My boobs are awesome. Whatever. Sometimes I feel myself up."

"You can only shit your pants so many times a day before you go to the emergency room."

"When we were filming Catching Fire, I would freeze in the water. The best way to stay warm? Your own urine."

“I’m the fastest pee-er ever. I’m famous for it.”
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Photo: BEImages/Henry Lamb/Photowire.
Lie from previous slide: "When we were filming Catching Fire, I would freeze in the water. The best way to stay warm? Your own urine."

“More often than not, I’m going commando.”

"I was surprised at how little camel-toe problem there was. I was expecting a lot more."

"Well, at least I had on underwear."
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Photo: REX USA/Jonathan Hordle/Rex.
Lie from previous slide: “More often than not, I’m going commando.”

"I'm seeing you talk, and all I'm thinking about is me pissed that I didn't get fries."

"Do you have a toothbrush? I just barfed."

"Why aren’t you laughing at me? Everything I say is funny and adorable."
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Photo: REX USA/MediaPunch Inc.
Lie from previous slide: "Do you have a toothbrush? I just barfed."

"I’m a horrible dancer! I’m like a dad at prom. I look like Gumby getting electrocuted."

"A professional ballroom dancer wrote to me after Silver Linings Playbook and was like, 'You would've gotten deducted for your hair, your costume...basically everything.' I was like, 'Um, we did shots before, so that's probably the most frowned upon.'"

"Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, 'How can you remain with a level head?' And, I’m like, 'Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.'"
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Photo: BEImages/Matt Baron.
Lie from previous slide: "A professional ballroom dancer wrote to me after Silver Linings Playbook and was like, 'you would've gotten deducted for your hair, your costume...basically everything.' I was like, "Um we did shots before, so that's probably the most frowned upon.'"

"These dresses aren't ideal for stashing a flask."

“Hi, Woody, I’m J — is that a sex swing?”

"Your ass is mine, Stone!"

Lie on this slide: "These dresses aren't ideal for stashing a flask."
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