Is Texting Ruining Everything?

Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
Recently, this author received a phone call from his Internet provider asking whether or not he wanted to add a phone line to his account. Considering the phone call was received on a cell phone, the answer was a staunch and quick "uh, no." First of all: Why call when an e-mail would've sufficed? Secondly, the whole ordeal set off a deep, internal realization that the Texting Age is real and causing some actual stress.
Now that we're fully aware of our ability to hide behind emotionless, glowing words, our yearning to somehow convey emotion has skyrocketed. The emphasis has shifted away from tonal inflection to grammatical nuances and emoticons. Since we've removed the audible voice from conversation, our need to know whether our digital voice was delivered, heard, and seen is now paramount to our sense of well-being. (Don't deny it, the "seen" notification on messaging these days is the bane of your existence.)
The Texting Age has created new anxieties and ticks that have yet to be named — until now. We're not Oxford Dictionary board members here, but we can't continue to communicate digitally without knowing what we're feeling at all times. So, without further ado, the 10 new anxieties texting brought upon us.
1 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Suspicious Ellipsis
Since technology has so graciously made it possible to see when the person you're in conversation with is typing, the anxiety over what they're typing rises with each disappearing and reappearing ellipses bubble. What is it they don't want to say? Or, are they an extreme self-editor? (Like, are they launching a thesaurus app right now, what's happening?) This kind of pregnant pause would be considered stumbling over one's words in a "real" conversation.
2 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Seen and Unseen
In that same vein, the "seen" notification is the absolute worst. The worst, we tell ya! It's like: "I know you saw my last text, why aren't you responding, like, right now?"
3 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Text-To-Call Dodger
We don't know what's worse: the "seen" notification or when someone texts you, you call them because you don't feel like texting, and they don't pick up. Seriously? Did their phone somehow get lost in the abyss of life in the span of 10 seconds? [Insert shaking head emoji here.]
4 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Period.
The period means business. It means the writer is either a) not amused, or b) done with the conversation. "I'll be there in ten" is a lot more casual than "I'll be there in ten." Woah, buddy! No need to get so serious.
5 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Not-So-Special K
Not all Ks are made alike. The difference between an "ok" and a "k." is night and day. The former reads as complacent, indifferent, or kind of chill. The latter, however, means anger and annoyance. It's not just a conversation killer, it's a mood buster, too.
6 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Straight To Voicemail
This is also known as hitting the "b*tch button." Whomever you called (how dare you call!) has ignored you and you know it. Those two rings that you heard were proof. You know they're going to text you immediately after they hit the button, too.
7 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
I Woke Up To This
Sure, getting a ton of notifications on your Facebook wall during your birthday is the best. But, waking up to a glaring red bubble of unread messages is not what Beyoncé meant when she said she #wokeuplikethis.
8 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Accidental Interrupter
There's this looming potential that something embarrassing is going to pop up when you're showing someone something on your phone. Your mom could text you about some ointment you need in the middle of watching a YouTube video with a friend. There's no hiding it. The video pauses, your need for ointment is in the ether, and now you have to respond to both your mother and your friend. We don't know what kind of #problem this falls under, but no one has time for it.
9 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The Emoji Offender
There's a major gray area when you're just beginning a text-relationship with someone regarding the proper time to use the emoticon. Typing a quaint ":-)" brings your relationship to a whole new level. It's like a friendly, flirtatious jab at the end of a cute punchline. Use it wrong, and you might come off too strong; use it right, and you're maybe golden. Offense comes in two parts: misusing the emoticon and using it too much, which leads us to...
10 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
The LOL Addict
Hey lol
What's going on lol
I don't know lol
lol ok!

Do you see what we're saying? Do you? Ugh, we just can't.