Katy Perry, Illuminati Princess, Reigns In "Dark Horse"

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In case we needed a reminder that Katy Perry is a member of the Illuminati, her "Dark Horse" video will do so. Set "a crazy long time ago," somewhere in a historically inaccurate Egypt, Perry's visual tells the tale of some greedy queen lookin' for love in Barbie's Dream House Egyptian Palace.

Watch as Queen P orders sneaker-wearing Smurf-people around and rule over cat kitty-headed ladies. She dissolves men to sand, eats fiery-hot Cheetos, and banishes a wannabe-Boo pup out of the kingdom. There's no dark horse in "Dark Horse," but there is an expanding pyramid, which, as we all know, is a key Illuminati symbol. Oh, Perry also uses a guy with the biggest diamond known to man for a bejeweled grill. (Somewhere, a rabid Super Bowl XLVI Madonna is greedily plotting a heist.) Where Perry acquired these special powers is beyond us. But, hey, at least Juicy J keeps it real.