There are a lot of Internet slideshows about celebrities who never seem to age. These are based on the common misconception that these individuals are just lucky human beings with good genes and great skin-care routines. But recent research from the R29 Laboratory for Frivolous (But Hopefully Hilarious) Endeavors has revealed a shocking truth: These "people" are actually robots.
Now, we do not mean that in a bad way or as some kind of insult. It's just the truth. They're also excellent actors, musicians, and individuals with warm hearts, kind smiles, and families. They are great. But the truth is, they're bionic beings with some advanced tricks up their sleeves.
Don't believe us? Not to worry — we're nothing if not thorough, and we've collected all the evidence, after the jump.
Name: Jared Leto
Human Years: 41
The thing about Jared Leto is that he's actually aware of his status as a robot. Since My So-Called Life required an extremely handsome heartthrob, casting directors eventually determined that no human specimen would qualify — and thus, the Letobot 94XP was born. Now, he comes with a special eyebrow-regrowth feature in addition to the original Piercing Stare Technology that made him a standard — and, indeed, it is based upon his initial success that all other bots were subsequently inspired.
Photo: Stefania D'Alessandro/BEImages.
Name: Paul Rudd
Human Years: 44
The Paul Rudd HotBot 3000 was actually created to look like a vaguely late-20-something man, and he will remain that way forever. This model comes with a highly advanced facial motion capability, responsible for that endearing smirk you know and love. Of course, experts later realized the model was slightly defective, as his face actually appears to jump back in age, sometimes appearing to be in his early 30s (as seen in Clueless) and occasionally jumping back to his late teens (as seen in Wet Hot American Summer). It's a kink the manufacturers have allowed to continue for experimental purposes.
Photo: Photo: Rex USA.
Name: Eva Mendes
Human Years: 39
Eva Mendes was actually created after the incredible financial success of the Paul Rudd HotBot. Eva is a tribute to modern science's ability to construct the perfect eyebrow. And, based on the records we examined, over $20 million in R&D was spent on locating the precise placement of her beauty mark.
Photo: Photo: Gregory Pace/BEImages.
Name: Jennifer Garner
Human Years: 41
When approaching the Jennifer Garner bot (limited edition release), we recommend caution. Her intelligence is razor-sharp, and as she clearly proved on Alias, she can seriously kick your butt when it comes to martial arts. Of course, one of this specimen's most amazing features is that she hides her Kahn-like abilities behind a facade of innocence and dewy, natural makeup.
Photo: Jim Smeal/BEImages.
Name: Avril Lavigne
Human Years: 28
Avril Lavigne is part of the Ultimate PunkBot #1 Rebel series, but she is undoubtedly the crown jewel. Her ability to churn out beyond-catchy teeny-bopper hits year after year without showing any signs of a slow-down is impressive, even if you don't consider her self-regenerating eyeliner.
Photo: Henry Lamb/Photowire/BEImages.
Name: Liv Tyler
Human Years: 35
Though it's widely believed that Liv Tyler is the daughter of Steven Tyler, that's not entirely true. While developers did indeed use his face as a model, while creating Liv, they actually opted for a pouty lip and super-elastic skin, now patented as Ridicu-Gorgeous V.2. As you can see, the results have been fantastic.
Photo: Everett Collection/Rex USA.
Name: Pharrell Williams
Human Years: 40
Pharrell was actually the "human" who inspired us to look deeper into this phenomenon. Basic knowledge of physics will tell you that cheekbones like that simply cannot exist. Turns out, the energy pulses running through his robotic bod are so powerful that they actually create a tear in the space-time continuum that prevents him from aging with the rest of the us. Cool, huh?
Photo: Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages.
Name: Marion Cotillard
Human Years: 37
Developed at the French Laboratoire de Volupté Robotique (a highly secretive facility — you probably haven't heard of it), Marion Cotillard is a pure specimen of beauty. The high-tech substance from which her skin was formed was actually created from the tears of pure-hearted children; it was then allowed to ferment in a hand-crafted oak barrel and infused with essence of myrrh. She's really a testament to how far the robotic sciences have come in working with natural ingredients.
Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages.
Name: Elijah Wood
Human Years: 32
Actually, scratch that. He's not a robot. Dude is just a mythical creature from Lord of the Rings. And we love him for that.
Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages