The Worst Lyrics, Ever (Seriously, How Are These Real?)

Song-writing is not an easy gig. Most experts agree that everything has already been said, and figuring out how to reinvent the wheel, yet again, is an achievement that eludes many — dare we say most? — artists for the duration of their lives. Every once in a while though, you come across a winner that goes down in history as a great bit of poetry. But for every gem, there are a thousand bits of fool's gold, and that means we're looking at a sea of some seriously bad lyrics.
These are our picks for the worst of the worst. But we're sure we're missing a few. Let's call this an open forum and see what other lyrical monstrosities we can call up from the depths of memory, shall we?
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1 of 10
The Song: "I Think I'm In Love With You" by Jessica Simpson
The Offense: "I don't know what's gotten into me, but I kinda think I know what it is"
Why: Do you know what's gotten into you, or don't you? Do you even know what you're talking about? Because we have no idea.

Photo: Courtesy of Columbia Records.
2 of 10
The Song: "My Love" by Justin Timberlake
The Offense: "They call me candle guy, simply because I am on fire"
Why: To be fair, this isn't totally JT's fault. The above lyric happens during T.I.'s rap verse. Being "on fire" is already cliché enough, we would hope the songwriter would go out of his way a bit to think of something more creative than "candle guy." But, we gotta admit, the sheer absurdity caught us off guard.

Photo: Courtesy of Jive Records.
3 of 10
The Song: "Same Girl" by R. Kelly and Usher
The Offense: Usher: "Said she got me on her ring tone"
R. Kelly: "Are you talkin' bout the pink phone?"
Usher: "Mm-mm. The blue one."
R. Kelly: "Man, she told me that was turned off."
Why: That's not a spoken word section. Those are real lyrics set to music and sung. It's really not fair to include any R. Kelly on this list because pretty much every song has multiple possible entries, but we couldn't help it.

Photo: Courtesy of Jive Records.
4 of 10
The Song: "Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Mayer
The Offense: "I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase"
Why: Don't know about you, but for us, this just conjures up the image of some kind of The Exorcist meets Cloverfield type creature, head spinning 360 degrees, taking a variety of spectral forms as it claws its way toward your sleeping (and soon to be dead and/or possessed) body.

Photo: Courtesy of Columbia Records.
5 of 10
The Song: "Firework" by Katy Perry
The Offense: "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag/Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?"
Why: You know how sometimes you just wake up in the morning and feel like a plastic bag? You're all like, oh man, I miss my friends back in the produce section at Whole Foods. Remember that time that one guy couldn't tell which side had the opening and which side was the bottom? OMG, memories!

Photo: Courtesy of Capitol Records.
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6 of 10
The Song: "Roll Out (My Business)" by Ludacris
The Offense: "Now tell me who's your housekeeper and what you keep in your house?"
Why: Actually, we take it back. This is just a really polite question and it's very nicely phrased. Perhaps he himself is looking for a housekeeper to keep his valuables most shiny. Perhaps he is hoping you could give him a reference for a nice, responsible housekeeper. Perhaps Ludacris is just out on a mid-week afternoon with the Ladies Who Lunch and they are all discussing the burdens of having Help and what you should do when your cleaning lady leaves a spot on your finest silver. You give her a strong reprimand, Ludacris. That's what you do.

Photo: Courtesy of Def Jam Records.
7 of 10
The Song: "Chic, C'est La Vie" by Countess Luann
The Offense: "Chic, c'est la vie. Sa bonne sa bonne" x4
Why: We'll admit our French is a bit rusty, but as far as we know, "sa bonne" either means nothing or "his/her maid." We're going to give reality star Luann the benefit of the doubt and assume this is yet another snippet from Luda's lunch-hour conversation.

Photo: Courtesy of Ultra Records.
8 of 10
The Song: "Stars Are Blind" by Paris Hilton
The Offense: "Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride/But when I walk they talk of suicide"
Why: Why, Paris? What is it about your "walk" that makes them talk of suicide? Frankly, we'd love if you could just leave suicide out of it unless it's absolutely necessary, but if anything is going to drive us to such extremes, it will probably be this song.

Photo: Courtesy of Warner Bros. Records.
9 of 10
The Song: "It Must Have Been Love" by Roxette
The Offense: "But in and outside I've turned to water, like a teardrop in your palm"
Why: We give them points for creativity, but demerits for randomness. We've never heard of turning into water on the outside (but what of your insides, we have to wonder?) as a poetic metaphor, but we also can't even begin to imagine what it means or how it conveys losing love.

Photo: Courtesy of EMI Records.
10 of 10
The Song: "Rhythm Is A Dancer" by Snap!
The Offense: "I'm serious as cancer when I say, rhythm is a dancer"
Why: Well, gee. That sounds pretty serious. Although it is possible — we admit it's a slight possibility — that the question of whether or not rhythm is a dancer is just a hair less serious than a potentially fatal disease. Call us crazy!

Photo: Courtesy of Anzilotti & Munzing Records.
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