10 Facebook Posts That Drive Everyone Absolutely Crazy

Photographed by Erin Yamagata.
For the most part, Facebook is a wonderful place where you can connect with old friends, share interesting articles, and stalk your crush. Sure, some of us spend a little too much time on Facebook, but for the most part, Mark Zuckerberg’s brainchild has changed our lives for the better. Logging into our accounts can bring us laughter, joy, and even (if we’re lucky) love. It’s a way to stay connected in modern society, and share our perspectives and experiences with the world at large.

But then, there are those who threaten to ruin Facebook for everyone. We all have a few individuals in our feeds who drive us to the point of insanity with their relentless (and relentlessly awful) posting. They are the people for whom the “Unfollow” button was created: from your psycho uncle who posts right-wing conspiracy theories every 30 minutes, to your frenemy who has made it her mission to publicly document every single brunch dish she consumes. We feel your pain, which is why we’ve compiled a list of the 10 types of Facebook posters who drive us all crazy.
1 of 10
The Self-Promoter
The Self-Promoter loves nothing more than to issue approximately 18,000 posts a day about his new band, fashion blog, or life-coaching practice. What the Self-Promoter fails to realize is that by turning his personal Facebook page into a nonstop spam generator, he is actually hurting the cause he is attempting to promote. But self-awareness is not something the Self-Promoter typically possesses; if he did, he’d realize that the life-coaching practice he’s shoving in everyone’s face is actually total nonsense.
2 of 10
The Compulsive Baby-Pic Publisher
Everyone loves babies. But that doesn’t mean everyone loves seeing their Facebook feed jammed with pictures of your baby. The Compulsive Baby-Pic Publisher takes parenthood posting to an unhealthy level. Parents should be spending quality time with their newborns, not wasting hours online, trying to turn their babies into social media stars. But this is a tip that is lost on the Compulsive Baby-Pic Publisher; every moment of her child’s life must be relentlessly documented for all of Facebook to see.
3 of 10
The Candy Crush Bully
The Candy Crush Bully is an individual who will send his victim an aggressive number of Candy Crush Saga Facebook invites. It doesn’t matter if the Candy Crush Bully barely even knows his target; he will still dispatch weekly reminders of his Candy Crush request. These repeated requests are enough to drive anyone insane, especially if said victim has no interest in playing Candy Crush Saga. If your addiction to Candy Crush is ruining your friendships, you are probably a Candy Crush Bully. Seek help immediately, before the game Candy Crushes your social life.
4 of 10
The Passive-Aggressive Vaguebooker
The Passive-Aggressive Vaguebooker is one of the more annoying specimens in the Facebook universe. For those unfamiliar, “vaguebooking” is the practice of posting intentionally vague messages that usually allude to someone or something that is pissing off the Vaguebooker. A common post goes a little something like: “Someone in my life is driving me CRAZY right now; seriously don’t understand how some people can live with themselves.” The Vaguebooker posts this message on Facebook, in a desperate plea for sympathy. But it is awfully hard to sympathize with someone when you have no idea what they’re talking about. The Vaguebooker’s cries for attention are helping absolutely no one, including the Vaguebooker herself. The best thing to do if you have a problem is confront it head-on — not write a weirdly ambiguous Facebook post about it.
5 of 10
The Political Troll
This archetype is in abundance these days. The Political Troll loves to publish 1,000-word Facebook posts, mansplaining to the world why his political views are better than those of any other human on earth. If you dare to contradict him, he will immediately drag you into a 30-comment fight, refusing to back down on any point. It doesn’t matter if you are a Republican, Democrat, or Green Party — Political Trolls can exist in any party. No one is safe from their pontificating.
6 of 10
The Relentless Selfie-Poster
The Relentless Selfie-Poster never met a location that didn’t inspire a selfie — the gym, the bathroom, the workplace, even funerals are fair game. Relentless Selfie-Posters basically have their phones welded onto the palms of their hands, ready at a moment’s notice to snap a duck-faced selfie. They possess alarming levels of narcissism, and most likely a membership to CrossFit (those ab-centric selfies gotta come from somewhere). There’s only one way to deal with the RSP: Hide those posts.
7 of 10
The TV Spoiler
We’re all busy people, and often we’re unable to catch the original broadcast of our favorite TV show. Fortunately, in the age of smart TVs, HBO Go, and DVR, it's possible to save recordings of your favorite shows and enjoy them at a later date. Be warned, though, gentle DVR users: Don’t log on to Facebook before watching that episode of Game of Thrones. If you do, you run the risk of seeing the post of a TV Spoiler. TV Spoilers are people who somehow manage to watch every TV show the night it airs, and then post spoilers for all to see. If you've got to share your thoughts on the show right then, share them on Twitter.
8 of 10
The Event Inviter
The Event Inviter is someone whom you barely know, but who always invites you to her monthly sketch-comedy show, “networking drinks,” or immersive zombie-themed dinner theater. This person will send the Facebook invite, and then make about 500 posts per hour on the event page. Each of these posts sends you a notification, until you have a spare minute to desperately click the “Ignore” button on the event.
9 of 10
The Oversharing Couple
The Oversharing Couple is more concerned with the performance of their relationship than the actual relationship itself. They live to document their experiences together, whether that be a vacation in Maui or a trip to Whole Foods. No experience is too minor to document, and it seems like the Oversharing Couple will not rest until their entire relationship has been broadcast on Facebook. They operate under one core belief: If they didn’t photograph it, it didn’t happen.
10 of 10
The Humblebragger
The Humblebragger makes constant “good news” announcements on his Facebook feed, always affecting a pose of modesty or self-deprecation. For example, a typical post might read: “Ugh, just spilled coffee all over the deed to my brand-new $3.5-million home! #HomeownerFail.” Even worse is the fact that the Humblebragger has a seemingly endless supply of major life accomplishments to rub in your face. Promotions, new cars, weddings, and babies are all fodder for the Humblebragger’s feed. He also has a tendency to affix at least 30 unironic hashtags to each and every post. Chief among them? “#Blessed,” of course.