Hump, Marry, Kill: How We Met Your Mother

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Hump: It’s been a turbulent week for How I Met Your Mother fans. On Monday, we finally met the titular mother — sort of. After years of glimpses of her boots and that infernal yellow umbrella, we got to see her face. Also, just a quick aside about that umbrella of hers: If you’ve lived in New York City long enough to witness at least two rainy days, you know that A) People who carry massive golf umbrellas earn the disdain and scorn of everyone around them on the sidewalk whose eyes they’re currently on the verge of poking out, and B) It’s actually impossible to hold onto a nice umbrella for nearly as long as she’s had that yellow one. Every time I get a “nice” umbrella — and by “I get,” I mean “my mother is thoughtful enough to give me one” — I leave it on a train or in a cab. The dinky black umbrellas you buy in a moment of panic when you’re caught in a sudden downpour, on the other hand, somehow stick around forever.

We didn’t really get to meet the mother, though. We saw her face for about a minute, and she asked for a ticket to Farhampton, where Barney and Robin are getting married. Then, the show’s producers revealed that the final season will take place over the course of one weekend leading up to the wedding, where we know the mother plays bass in the wedding band.

So, yeah, it’s been a pretty tough few days for us Mother fans, who want to believe Ted’s story is going somewhere, and that this magical woman (that it took him so long to meet, marry, and then procreate with apparently for the sole purpose of boring his children to death with the story of how he met her) is worth it. Also, many people on the Internet were not amused with the actress picked to play the mother — but I’m remaining hopeful. Cristin Milioti is really talented; hell, she was nominated for a Tony award for Once. And she was Abby Flynn, the infantilized, overly sexualized, living, breathing epitome of Liz Lemon’s proverbial TGS “woman problem.”

So, here’s hoping it all works out. At the very least, let’s choose to be more upset with the whole entire-season-spanning two-days thing than this poor actress who seems to have earned massive ire after saying one sentence.

Marry: If I could marry a whole show, I would, because I have loved The Office since it premiered in England, where viewers also didn’t know what to make of its documentary style and bleak, everyday humor in the beginning. (If you watched The Office retrospective NBC aired before the finale, the cast and producers all talked about both the U.K. and the U.S. versions’ extremely low-rated pilots.) Sure, it lost its way a bit in the final few seasons, but the show returned to fine form for the series finale. But since you’re going to make me pick someone to focus on, let’s just review Michael Scott’s (welcome back, Steve Carell!) perfect lines in the finale:

Dwight: "Michael, I can’t believe you came."
Michael: "That’s what she said."

Michael: "I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream."

Perfection, as was co-creator Michael Schur as returning to play Mose. That lovelorn look at the scarecrow...I can’t. So, good-bye, old friend. Thanks for showing us that there’s fun to be had in even the most mundane of places, and that everyone who enters your life plays an important role, even eccentric coworkers at a menial job. It was such a sweet, simple premise for a show, yet the characters that emerged were so wonderful and fun to watch in what was supposed to be their day-to-day lives. As Pam Halpert (née Beesly) says to close out the series, “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?”

And yes, I’m crying. Way to crack through the shell around my cold, cynical New York City heart, Greg Daniels. I’ll remember this the next time I leave a good umbrella in a cab.

Kill: Was Taylor “Surprised Face” Swift really necessary to play the part of Elaine on the season finale of New Girl? It kind of distracted me, since I spent the whole episode wondering when she’d turn up and in what annoying capacity. I know, she was only on screen for about a minute, but since the finale was already so slapstick-y and over the top, she was just the sad icing on Cece and Shivrang’s uneaten wedding cake. At least we got introduced to The Vaccines' kicky, Beatles-esque “I Always Knew” at the end.

Photo: Courtesy of CBS; Courtesy of Paul Drinkwater/NBC; Courtesy of Ray Mickshaw/FOX