There's a creepy video of a Gumby-like flesh-colored wax blob with a perfectly-shaped bum and beady eyes that is going viral on the Internet, and it would be my honor to share it with you. To me, (and Debra Messing apparently) it's both mesmerizing and unsettling. The little creature is so weird and borderline disturbing that some of my coworkers couldn't even make it past the eponymous opening line, where the thing whispers "Hi, Stranger!"
You okay? Can we continue?
So, that video is great, right? It's like the "Salad Fingers" of 2017, but with a motivational twist. He seems like a pretty nice dude and he's delivering a really sweet message (it ends with him saying "I love you"). It's super soothing. Still, it's obviously super weird, and I totally get that.
But what if we made it... even weirder. Because this bizarre lumpy figure reminded me immediately of a piece of Ed Sheeran fan art I recently encountered while embarking into the deep, dark web. (It was on Etsy.) One day, while thinking about what it would be like to legitimately be an Ed Sheeran fan, I started Googling "Ed Sheeran fan art" — and would you believe me if I told you that Etsy is chockfull of Ed-inspired pieces of... erm, art?
Here's an example of one I found.
Allow me to also say: I have nothing personal against Ed Sheeran. I may think his ideal cocktail consisting of five tequila shots and a splash of passion fruit juice is disgusting, and that his tattoos are a little too abstract, and that he should have had Rihanna sing "Shape Of You," but at the end of the day I'm usually left thinking: Ed Sheeran? Nice guy. Sings a lot.
But I won't ever be able to unsee the following image. And neither will you. (Also, for context, please know that he is writing "Shape Of You".)
So, what's weirder? The video or the Ed Sheeran portrait?
Please leave your answer in the comments below.