President Refuses To Ban Pineapple On Pizza, Brings Shame To Iceland

Iceland's President Guðni Th. Jóhannesson made waves today when he called for a ban on pineapple on pizza, according to Iceland Magazine.

Jóhannesson was answering questions while visiting a North Iceland high school when he dropped the bombshell. A student asked him if he liked pineapple and he correctly said that he didn't, and then took things to an awesome place when he suggested that he would ban the vile topping entirely.

Let's be perfectly clear: Pineapple on pizza is a war crime. You do not ruin two perfectly good things by putting them together. This isn't peanut butter and chocolate. This is fire and gasoline. Pineapple is good. Pizza is good. Putting them together is like putting lipstick on a pig, then allowing that pig to beat you to death.

This is literally the only time I have agreed with unchecked executive power. Like Father's Office in Los Angeles, a restaurant which will just about kick you out if you ask for ketchup. (Ketchup, like pineapple on pizza, is gross.)

Jóhannesson, unfortunately, would not stick to his guns. He backtracked in a Facebook post that suggests that people try seafood on pizza instead. That's all well and good, but I prefer my image of him (formed five minutes ago) of a maniac dictator that believed in the rule of law except in matters of pizza.

"I like pineapples, just not on pizza," he wrote. "I do not have the power to make laws which forbid people to put pineapples on their pizza. I am glad that I do not hold such power. Presidents should not have unlimited power. I would not want to hold this position if I could pass laws forbidding that which I don´t like. I would not want to live in such a country. For pizzas, I recommend seafood."

We've all seen the Futurama episode where Fry hunts for anchovies to put on pizza, but this is taking things a little far. We don't believe cartoons should be signposts for national policy. We do believe in a far-reaching pineapple pizza ban. We further believe that such a ban would be Constitutional, and would hold up in a court of law.

Read his cowardly statement below.
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