Reddit Flipped Out Over This Hilarious Letter To A Loud Neighbor

Photo: Henrik Sorensen/Getty Images.
Poor Reddit user holdthedoor444 was just trying to sleep — and the people next door were just trying to rage (and complain about the gender pay gap). When he realized his wishes were at odds with theirs, he wrote this letter, which he later posted on Reddit.
Here is the full text:
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Dear neighbors who were partying last night,

Being loud in your own apartment is one thing, but letting Becky stumble around slur-yelling in the hallway at 3:30 AM is another. I understand that Kristin is excited about her new stewardess job with Air Canada, but she needs to tone it the fuck down because your neighbors are trying to sleep, and quite frankly we all know that WestJet is better anyways. Have fun with those shitty benefits, Kristin!

And while it's super tragic that Jen found our Chad has been cheating on her, and only a few days after they did that couple's sleigh ride in Canmore, Christ knows that nobody wants to hear about it at 4 in the fucking morning. Now my cat's awake, he's wondering what the fuck's going on, and I have to explain to him why Tracy is so upset the way Gilmore Girls season 8 ended that she feels the need to wander the goddamn hallway of our apartment building yelling about it right now. BTW Jen, the only reason Chad took you on that sleigh ride is because he found a super cheap Groupon.

You must not have heard the battlecry I let out at exactly 3:37, after listening to Megan give her 2 cents on the serious issue of the gender pay gap, for over an hour. It was something to the effect of, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" No, you must not have heard it, because Jen's aggressive cry-yelling didn't let up until 4:02, at which point she was ushered into the back of a yellow checkered cab with fresh puke starting to crust on her new [Aritzia] flannel.

My point is that after last night, I know your friends better than I know my own friends. I don't have any friends, but that's besides the point. Your friends are fucking loud, and the hallway is a ridiculous place to hang out late at night. Or ever. Actually you should probably just move out. You're sort of the worst.

Luke-warm regards,
your super pissed off neighbors.

He did admit in the comments section that the details were "mostly satirical." (So which parts are we supposed to believe?!) Also, apparently some of his neighbors backed him up by writing their own "fuck yous" on the letter — but the cleaning lady took it down.

We just have a few questions about all this:

1. Who says "stewardess" anymore?

2. Does this guy's cat...talk?

3. That Gilmore Girls ending was really sad, in Tracy's defense.

4. In Megan's defense, the gender pay gap is a serious issue and we should all be screaming about it at 3:37 in the morning (and, like, always).

5. How did he know it was Aritzia flannel?

Anyway, feel free to use this as a template whenever your own neighbors are loud. It's so relatable!
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