Hump, Marry, Kill: Jennifer Lawrence Is My Spirit Animal

hmk
Hump: Beyoncé won the Super Bowl as far as I’m concerned. I mean, she basically danced the equivalent of a marathon while looking smoking hot and filming the opening credits for the next Bond movie. To be fair, I did have to Google which teams were playing, so I may not be the best judge of who wins sports events. Nevertheless, I’d like to see Joe Flacco try to do the "Single Ladies” dance in five-inch heels and a leather corset. Wait, no I wouldn’t.
Advertisement
Marry: Just when I think my massive girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence has reached a saturation point, she goes and says something that makes me even more convinced she’s my spirit animal and one of the all-around coolest people. Ever. When she appeared on Conan this past Tuesday, Lawrence revealed that she doesn’t like to leave her house so she doesn’t have to change her pants or put a bra on. This is basically my life philosophy, except that she doesn’t leave because of rabid paparazzi lurking outside, whereas I don’t leave because of the pants/bra reason (and general laziness). Either way, it’s nice to know someone out there shares my opinion about the huge bother of wearing public-appropriate clothing and supportive undergarments.
Kill: Ever wonder what the human equivalent of one of those dogs in ASPCA commercials would look like? Well, her name is Scarlett (Clare Bowen), and you can find her on Nashville. For some reason, she holds her mouth like she lost her back teeth due to sugar rot, and those big, huge eyes always seem to broadcast “Who, me? But I’m such a naive, virginal, gentle flower,” while all sorts of pernicious fates befall those around her. Inviting her writing partner who’s admitted he’s in love with her to move in? Sure, great idea. Letting him get into a fist fight with her ex-boyfriend instead of simply saying “There’s no need to fight, we’re not sleeping together” — yep, she let that happen. I’ve never wanted to climb inside the television and scream “Do something...anything...have some damn agency!” more than when Scarlett appears on screen during Nashville.
Photo: Via Instagram; Via TeamCoco; Courtesy of Katherine Bomboy-Thornton/ABC
Advertisement

More from

Two episodes into the third season of How To Get Away With Murder, we're one step closer to finding out who dies in the fire at Annalise's (Viola Davis) ...
The Final Five are national treasures. They're basically a collection of perfect, perfectly happy humans. And who wouldn't be, especially after turning in ...
Actress Emma Watson and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau sat down Wednesday to talk about gender equality. The Harry Potter star was in Ottawa ...
'Tis the season for pumpkin spice and everything nice — am I right? We thought there was no better way to celebrate than with a doughnut
We've written extensively about how all the American Horror Story seasons are linked. But we didn't realize that Roanoke would be the Rosetta Stone through...
My Little Ponies are objectively fashionable. They come in every outfit possible, from a fairy to a goddam pirate, and have inspired many a dye job. So, it...
Lip Sync Battle just released a clip to promote its next season, and it features a pretty impressive performance. A large cast of celebrities including ...
(Paid Content) Some of us have traveled thousands of miles for life-changing experiences. But make no mistake: A passport, plane ticket, or language ...
There's a rumor going around on Twitter that Hilary Duff and Justin Bieber are making music together. It appears to have started with the Hilary Duff News...
We thought all zodiac-related news had passed — especially after last week's collective freakout over the new constellation, Ophiuchus, potentially ...
Lady Gaga just confirmed what we knew to be true: She will be the headliner at the Super Bowl halftime show. Gaga announced her official involvement with ...
Real feminist Portland bookstore In Other Words has had enough of the fake feminist Portland bookstore portrayed on Portlandia. The sketch in question ...
Brittany Mostiller still remembers the moment when she realized that she couldn’t afford an abortion. “I didn’t know anything about this Hyde Amendment ...
After a long summer of hot sun, chlorine, and salt water, your strands may not be looking their best. That's why fall is the perfect time for a hair ...