As you may have heard through news reports, New-Age blogs, and John Cusack movies, tomorrow night marks the end of the Mayan calendar, and, therefore, the end of the world. Sure, physicists, geologists, and astrophysicists as well as historians, anthropologists, and other accredited experts in Mayan culture tell that all this apocalyptic talk is nothing more than a gross, somewhat insulting misunderstanding of the Mesoamerican civilization's calendar, religion, and actual beliefs — but when have they ever been right about anything? Nope, bloggers say the end is nigh and they know the real score.
Even so, we're not sad. Far from it. See, we figure us humans have had a good run. Just look at all we've accomplished in a mere 50,000 years — the written word, the Great Wall of China, Mozart's Le nozze di Figaro, sandwiches. So, rather than weeping, we're applauding as the (faux) curtain closes on humanity's final act. Indeed, our staff is embracing the apocalypse with dance marathons, intellectual pursuits, and trips to Disney World.