Celebrities, They're Not Just Like Us! We've Got 8 Reasons Why

Yes, we understand the whole bit about having their faces projected two-stories tall on silver screens and living inside bubbles of paparazzi scrutiny that must resemble a roving pack of flashbulbs — but that still doesn't mean we can't ogle the ways in which the world’s biggest celebs just aren’t like us — even if they do get photographed with an economy-sized pack of paper towels once in their lifetime. With their garage-sized closets, army-sized entourages, and planet-sized egos, they can, sometimes, seem as similar to the average working Jane as the average dachshund is to the average beluga whale (hey, they’re both mammals, right?)
But honestly, we can’t get enough of these almost-extraterrestrial creatures and their alien lives, so we’ve complied an eye-opening list of the top eight qualities that makes those beautiful, bizarre celebs so different from us normal folk.
Photo: Courtesy of Apartment Therapy
1 of 8
Females of the species have evolved autonomous body parts.
For us regular folk, simply wearing a bra or putting on clothing is all it takes to conceal our parts. As mountains of photographic evidence suggests, this is insufficient for many celebrities. From Tara Reid to Emma Watson, stars often have to contend with body parts that have minds of their own — Sofia Vergara’s self-aware posterior being a recent example.

Image via Instagram.
2 of 8
Their nails require PRECIOUS DIAMONDS!
We really do love Kelly Osbourne. That’s why we’re sad to report that she suffers from a nail affliction that requires periodic treatment of $250,000 manicures. Luckily, she's got great health insurance.

Image via Instagram.
3 of 8
They suffer from exploding closets.
Some think that celebrities have massive, luxury-filled closets because every designer in the world wants to hook them up with free goodies. Not so — it's biological. Do you think Jessica Alba wants to have a hundred hats in her house, or Brooke Shields wants to climb a ladder to get dressed every morning? Don’t be silly.

Photo: Courtesy of Apartment Therapy.
4 of 8
Most display extreme sensitivity to environmental phenomena.
Don't smirk about LeAnn Rimes' 30-day exhaustion treatment or Lindsay Lohan’s prolonged bout with pneumonia. The celebrity body is so attuned to the elements that even a slight disruption — say a breakup, lawsuit, or dehydration — can send them reeling. We can beat hangovers with iced coffee and aspirin, but Gwyneth Paltrow has to go all the way to Turkey to overcome hers.

Photo: Picture Perfect/Rex USA.
5 of 8
They alone have psychic powers.
Not only can they communicate with inanimate objects, like Tom Cruise, or cause millions of young women to experience strange, warm sensations from thousands of miles away, like Ryan Gosling, they can actually have complex, intimate relationships with ghosts. Ke$ha is only the most recent celeb to bravely come out of the closet as a spectrosexual. You go, girl!

Photo: Jim Smeal/BEImages
6 of 8
Their skins are modern medical miracles.
We all know Gwyneth Paltrow suffers through painful bee-sting and bird-semen beauty procedures in order to keep up appearances. Similarly, the British Crown acknowledges that Catherine, duchess of Cambridge must undergo at least $37,000 worth of beauty treatments every year to stay presentable.

Photo: Tim Rooke/Rex/Rex USA
7 of 8
They’re biologically immune to justice.
It seems that celebrities excrete an invisible, odorless nerve gas that renders judges, juries, and law officers alike completely incapable of cracking down on them. How else to explain the fact that Amanda Bynes herself — a human four-lane pileup — was able to evade capture? Gotta be the gas.

Photo: BEI Images.
8 of 8
They age differently from all other sentient life.
Scientists will tell you that the telomeres in the chromosomes of all living organisms are a virtual death clock, guaranteeing that our cells become weaker and less capable of reproducing. Bull. From the natural, graceful ageing of Helen Mirren to the timelessness of Tilda Swinton and Halle Berry, many celebrities seem not only immune to aging, but have remarkable Benjamin Button-like powers.

Photo: Willi Schneider/Rex/Rex USA

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