How To Deal With This Awkward Wedding Scenario

Alimay Events an NYC-based event production company founded by two former glossy vets, Ali Schajer and and Maya Katz — specializes in organizing pure chaos. So, who better to call upon with our most challenging wedding etiquette queries? This week, the ladies help us navigate dealing with wedding crashers.

Dear Alimay,
Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn were no joke. How do you handle unexpected wedding crashers?
— Security Detail

Dear Security Detail,
Surprisingly enough, we actually encounter wedding crashers on a pretty regular basis. Their natural habitat: hotels. Hard to say if it’s the comfortable lobby seating or the easily accessible bar that puts their minds at ease, but when there are different groups of people who are already in the vicinity of the event, crashing is more eminent. And, unfortunately for us, not all wedding crashers are as charming as Owen and Vince.

Should you encounter a crasher, the first (and most important) step is to remain calm. Remember, crashers don’t typically wish to cause any harm. They just want to drink your champagne and eat your finger foods. Decidedly not cool, but also not the end of the world. With all eyes are on the bride, keeping your cool is a must. Deal with crashers in the same way that you deal with everything else on your checklist — delegate!

Most venues provide a basic level of security and your event planners (or venue manager) should have a plan of action for this as well. For the trained eye, it’s actually pretty easy to recognize who doesn’t belong in a crowd. Immediate clues such as a difference in the dress code or not knowing others at the wedding are worth considering. It is imperative to not move too swiftly in confronting the attendee. Assuming the wrong thing could risk offending a guest — after all, nearly every wedding has a few kooky aunts and childhood friends that may stick out in the mix — so we recommend a brief order of operations.

When you see someone trying to enter an event where they possibly don’t belong, politely approach them and ask for their names. Immediately apologize for not recognizing them, and let them know that you are required to check in all of the guests. If they give you the runaround, or insist that someone inside “invited” them to join, ask them for that guest’s name and what brought them to the event. If someone did in fact invite them in, you should be able to verify it, but if it sounds like a lie, it probably is. People are curious by nature and when they see a fantastic event happening in front of them, they often want to be a part of it — especially if it looks like fun! If the potential crasher isn’t on the invite list, they must be asked to leave, and if they don’t leave quietly, ask for additional security assistance. You don’t need to be a hero here.

Yours always,

Ali & Maya

We’d love to hear your questions! Drop us a line at DearAlimay@AlimayEvents.com.