Why I Sometimes Wear My Vaginal Juice As Perfume

Experiment: Love Potion Number Vagine

Question: If you make the scent of your vaginal fluids prominent by applying it to your pressure points, will it make you more attractive to those in your immediate vicinity?

Hypothesis: If copulins [chemicals secreted by the vagina] are used as perfume, then it will attract anyone traditionally attracted to women with vulvas.

Research: The term “pheromone” is derived from the Greek words pherein, meaning “to transfer,” and hormon, meaning “to excite.” Thus pheromones transfer excitement. Pheromones are chemical molecules released to trigger hormonal changes and elicit behavioral responses from others. These signaling molecules are contained in body fluids such as genital secretions.

Apparatus: Four women will attend a crowded bar wearing no perfume or scented products. For the first half of the night, the women will strike up casual conversations. Then, after successfully connecting with two strangers, the group will head to the bathroom to apply their vaginal fluid    to their necks, chests, and wrists. They will then circulate the bar a second time and spark new conversations while noting if there is any visible difference between their interactions.

How to draw a conclusion: Assess if the application of vaginal fluids made people subconsciously move closer.

When we got to the bathroom, Courtney put her hand on my shoulder and forced me to face her straight on. “Okay, wait, how are we supposed to do this?”

I instructed them to wash their hands, get in a stall and then move their finger around their vaginal opening. The goal was to get a new sample from the Bartholin’s glands, which are the size of a pea but play a large role in vaginal lubrication. Once they got a good amount of wetness, they could rub it on the neck, collarbone and wrists.

I waved my hands around as though I were talking then moved in to hug her with my arms outstretched. She nodded then disappeared into a stall. I stood there smiling encouragingly until the other two followed her lead. I took up the last stall then took my pants down. One for all and all for one.

We left the bathroom silently and headed back toward the stairs. Just before we embarked on our experiment, I turned toward the three of them. “How do we feel?”

“Sticky,” said Deshawn.

I stared at her, unamused. “You’re supposed to say intriguing and confident.”

I turned and led the way up the stairs. I paused again when we got to the top so I could issue one final pep talk but Deshawn, Courtney and Stephanie walked right past me and disappeared into the crowded room with their backs arched and arms swinging. I went back to the bar to see if my friends were still there — and they were, just drunker.

“We need to hang out more,” said one, leaning in to my neck. At first, I thought this was for support but, then she lingered and I wondered if it were something more. “I was just thinking about my friends who are always supportive of me and it’s you. You and Jared, I fucking love him too..."

She buried her face in my neck then continued to confess her gratitude in the long-winded way that only a drunk person would. After a lengthy while, I recognized this conversation was not going to end by itself, so I pushed back to make some space between us. “Let me catch up later, I gotta go look for my girls.”

Courtney said they walked onto the balcony and within minutes they all got swept up in conversation. She noted that people seemed to be leaning extra close but it was a little noisy, so it could have been because of that. I also explained that my friend’s extra-closeness could have been attributed to alcohol, but regardless of if we got a conclusive answer or not, I was insanely proud of them for completing this challenge.

The car pulled up and we all piled in. As we exited the parking lot and picked up speed, Stephanie let down her window and pressed her face into the night. She hadn’t said much all evening.

I glanced over my shoulder to check up on Deshawn who had been vocal about her hang-ups with this experiment. “There’s wipes in my bag if you wanna clean yourself off.”

Deshawn was staring at the billboards lining Sunset Boulevard. She shook her head and replied, “I’m all right actually.”

“Anyone else?” I asked.

“Not me,” said Courtney. “I’m about to go see about a boy.”

“And what boy is this?”

The next day I texted Stephanie to see how she was doing after last night. I really wanted to help all the women in any way possible, but I was unsure how effective any of the teachings had been for her in particular. Courtney had been going on ample dates, Maya had come out of her shell tremendously, Pricilla was already dating a high-interest playmate and Deshawn had been a rock star during the experiments — all of them had breakout moments of success, except Steph. Stephanie was one of those people who read countless self-help books about greatness, but still hadn’t stepped up and embraced her own.

I sent back the water drop symbol. She replied, Lol we’ll see.

Conclusion: Vaginal fluids, especially around ovulation, but really any time you want to feel an extra boost of confidence, can serve as a love potion. Here's why: I'm often asked to confirm or deny the myth that eating an excessive amount of pineapple will make someone taste better during oral sex. My response is, if you think it makes you taste better then it absolutely works. Similarly, regardless of if vaginal pheromones truly make a person irresistible or not, the fact that you think it does, will cause you to act in a bolder, more confident manner. There are no health risks for others and unless you suspect you may have bacterial vaginosis, it will not make you smell bad. I've used this technique countless times in the past ten years and have had mixed results: sometimes people are flocking to me, sometimes I don't notice a difference. So while I'm not sure how effective this experiment is, I am certain that every single time I employ it, it makes me feel like an enchanted goddess with a delicious secret.